I walked into the sex-toy shop feeling a little bit of trepidation. My eyes were set straight ahead. There would be no dilly-dallying through the dildos today. I wasted no time getting to the front counter.
"Can I help you?" asked the only guy working there at 10 a.m. on a Tuesday morning.
"Yes, I need to review a porno. Do you have any recommendations for something that women would enjoy?"
"Follow me," he said and invited me into the video section with a broad wave of his arm.
I couldn't help but stare at all of the titles lined up, row by row. I confessed to him that the last time (and only time) I had ever seen a porno was at my bachelorette party, and it was really there to set the mood. It played in the background as a gaggle of girls drank champagne and I opened a pile of naughty presents. The only time I really looked at the screen was when one of my friends suddenly burst out: "That's how big my boyfriend is!!! Now do you see why it hurts me so much???" and everyone laughed. There was an enormous penis on the screen, pumping mercilessly into a faceless girl's vagina.
The guy who worked at the shop asked if I was looking for girl on girl. I shook my head. I'm sure that type of sex gets a lot of women off -- lesbians, bi-sexuals and straight women included, but for my first real time watching porn, I wanted to see some cock.
He pulled a box off of the shelf in front of him. "Here," he said. "This one is good and it takes place on an island. Women seem to really like islands."
I smiled and took the movie. After opening an account, I raced home to watch the video.
Island Fever is a Joone Film, according to the opening credits, and it's the first of a series. It stars Tera Patrick... which probably means something to the adult film connoisseur. To me, the actors were all just beautiful people bearing the entirety of their bodies for my viewing pleasure.
The film opens on a beautiful island. This is the type of deserted island that almost all women dream of going to one day, with stunning beaches, secret lagoons, and spectacular waterfalls. The colors are absolutely gorgeous - deep blues and greens contrasting with the white crystal of the falling water and the sand on the beach. If I were going to have mind-blowing, romantic-novel type sex, this is where I would want to have it.
There is no plot or talking in Island Fever, just music and imagery. The film beings by showing naked women touching themselves and writhing on rocks, in front of waterfalls, or against the sand. Their sensuous lips are open in passion and their big, perfect breasts heave.
After a while of this type of footage, a blond man enters the scene. He has tousled, shaggy hair and a great body. His left nipple has a gold ring through it, and he sports a tattoo on his lower leg. He looks like he just walked off of the set of a surfing movie and stripped. Perhaps he surfed over to the island to get with these beautiful babes.
The main actress, Tera, sucks on Blondie's cock for a good, long while. Then they change scenery and they're in a field. The man pumps into her and the angles change from above to right below. There are some really nice shots of his penis going into her. They change again so that he's screwing her from behind. In her passion, she grasps a palm tree with one hand, one leg bends slightly, the toe pointed, the polished nails on her other hand pulling his bottom towards her, her breasts swaying with each stroke. Never in my wildest dreams have I looked so graceful while being taken from behind.
There's a lot more of this. With each change in scenery there is a new position. It's really beautifully done.
Honestly, I didn't finish the movie. To me, it was a visual translation of a harlequin novel: very feminine, the actors almost poetic in their joining. I found myself wishing I could hear them moan and talk dirty to one another instead of having to listen to the instrumentals. And I wished that even once the guy would just slap that perfect butt he was so lovingly grinding into. There was not really any semblance to real sex the way I've experienced it, and because of that, it didn't do much for me. But I do think that a lot of women would love this movie, for the same reasons that I didn't. So if you enjoy thinking about picturesque sex, filled with beautiful people in a beautiful setting, I would highly recommend this movie to you.
Hmmmm... I guess finding the right porn is going to be quite an experiment. I think it's time to head back to the sex store and peruse through the titles myself.
Originally published November 2005 - "Taboo!"