Up until that point, the shouting had been muffled and easily ignored by the two dusty men who sat on the porch steps. As the sheep lowed in their pen, Eustace and Barton were belching and muttering to one another over their midday lunch of cold chicken sandwiches, oblivious to the mêlée inside the house.

But when Jeremy and Noel’s bedroom window scraped open and a black cowboy hat coasted out on the air like a Frisbee, the men grimaced at one another.

“There she goes, throwing stuff again,” Eustace grumbled as he took a swig of his soda. “This ought to be fun.”

In the next few minutes, a pair of blue jeans landed a few feet from the hat, followed by a boot with a white tube sock still stuffed inside, a checked shirt, two more hats, and the second boot.

Barton wiped his mouth on his sleeve. “Wonder what he did this time.”

“Or didn’t do. I told him he’d kill himself trying to keep up with that one.”

“That only added to the temptation. Besides, he likes all that,” Barton lowered his voice. “Kinky stuff, like she does.”

As though to emphasize his point, a rubbery pink dildo dropped from above, bounced twice, and rolled to a halt at Barton’s feet.

“Damn,” Eustace mumbled, and then uttered a more forceful “Damn!” when a slim, metallic vibrator smacked the rim of his hat against his nose. “Damn fuck! That was heavy!”

The men scooted back as a more ferocious assault followed. A rainbow of toys and books rained down from above like gifts from the angel of pornography. Rubbing his sore, sunburnt nose, Eustace stuck his leg out, and with his toe, rolled one of the toys towards him. “What do you suppose this is?”

Barton simply glanced up from the erotic book he had snagged. “Butt stuff.”

“Butt stuff? But it has a tail!”

“That should have been your first clue.”

“Do you suppose it’s for him, or her?”

“I don’t want to discuss it, Eustace.” The book fumbled from his hands when a shrill scream rang out. “I don’t like the sound of that at all.”

Heavy footfall pounded from inside and the men twisted their necks around. Jeremy was stomping through the kitchen towards them. Their nephew wore only a pair of green plaid boxers and a ball cap. A fuzzy purple handcuff dangled from his wrist.

Eustace’s jaw dropped and he nudged Barton. “Get a load of that.”

Noel was slung over Jeremy’s shoulder like a sack of potatoes and she was squirming like a worm on a fishing hook. His wide forearm was braced beneath her bare bottom, which was bisected by a black g-string. Up to mid-thigh, her shapely legs were covered in black fishnets topped with hot-pink lace. One foot was bare while a glossy stiletto barely clung to the other.

Though his wife was shrilly shrieking, Jeremy’s stride was casual as he passed between the men who worked his farm. It was easy enough for him, being so tall and broad while Noel was as small as a pixie. She raised herself up, giving the men a prime view of her small breasts bouncing behind a curtain of black hair. She let out a furious howl and dug her nails into Jeremy’s shoulder, raking skin and leaving a line of crimson welts.

“Let me down or I’ll kill you!”

“Shush, woman!” Jeremy gave her right cheek a hard slap and laughed as he continued his way across the driveway towards the edge of the enclosure. The sheep pressed against the opposite side of the fence, their eyes bulging anxiously. “You just need to cool down.”

Her eyes grew wide as realization dawned on her. “Don’t you dare, Jeremy! I swear I’ll run you over with the truck! I’ll poison your food! I’ll—I’ll cut it off!”

With a splash, he dropped her into the water trough and skipped back as she sputtered and flailed. On the porch, Eustace and Barton hooted, clapping and whistling as Jeremy took a bow.

Dripping, Noel pulled herself up and glared. “I hate you.”

“Naw, you don’t. You’re just a little pissed because you didn’t get your way.”

He extended his hand to her, but she slapped it away and struggled out of the trough. “Keep your hands off of me! Cocksucker!”

Dripping from head to toe, she stormed towards the house, swatting Jeremy’s hands away as he trailed behind her. She stopped before Eustace and Barton and placed her hand on her hip, scowling until the smiles on their faces disappeared.

“You find something funny, you old fools?”

Eustace looked pointedly at her puckered nipples. “No, Mrs. Kenny, but if you don’t mind me saying, that water must have been some cold!”

Fresh laughter erupted and continued long after the screen door slammed. Jeremy swaggered up to the house, kicking the litter she had thrown along the way.

“Damn, Jeremy, you got yourself more than a handful there.” Barton croaked, wiping his eyes. “What did you do to get her all riled up like that?”

“It’s what I didn’t do.”

“Told yah,” Eustace grinned at Barton. To Jeremy, “What didn’t you do?”

Jeremy held up his cuffed wrist, and then he scooped up the butt plug and waved it in front of his face. “She wanted to tie me down and stick this up my ass.”

There was a collective cringe, and Eustace nodded. “Stand your ground, boy.”

Jeremy frowned. “What the hell is she doing now?”

He darted past them and burst into the kitchen. Noel stood in the far corner with a towel wrapped turban-style around her head. She wore one of Jeremy’s shirts and she clutched the phone to her cheek.

He narrowed his eyes. “Who are you calling?”

“A taxi. I’m getting the hell out of here!”

“Oh, Jesus! Noel, give me that phone.” She scooted away when he dove for her, the soggy towel slapping on the floor, but he managed to get his arm around her waist and wrestled the phone out of her hand.
“Hello? Cancel the—“

“—forty p.m. on Wednesday, August seventh, two-thousand and—“

He slammed the phone down. “You fibber, you just called information.”

“Why don’t you try to drown me again?” she scoffed and sagged against him. “Or lock me up.”

“Quit being so dramatic, Noel.” He scraped his beard along the hollow of her neck. “Though I love it when you give me a good fight.”

Noel rolled her eyes, but nonetheless wriggled her bottom against him, finding the proof of his arousal stiffening against her. She could easily sulk for days, reducing Jeremy to an apologetic fool, but he had wound her up too much before her attempts to get him to submit had erupted in a fight. In spite of the chill that remained on her skin, she was burning up between her thighs.

He slid his hands beneath her shirt and cupped her breasts, lifting and squeezing. “Give us a kiss.”

With a shudder, Noel turned in his arms. “I can do better than that.” She snaked her tongue over his bottom lip and unbuttoned the fly on his boxers, then pulled his fat cock through the opening. After over a year of meticulous exploitation of his body, she knew precisely how to strum his libido. She slicked the palm of her hand with his pre-cum and massaged the length until his dick was rock-hard.

Jeremy snagged her tongue between his teeth and gave her such a start, she drew back. “I ain’t falling for your wiles, Mrs. Kenny. There’s no sense in trying to turn me to mush so you can have your way with me.”

“Mush? I don’t think so,” she laughed and squeezed his cock. “Doesn’t feel that way to me.”

“Never mind. You threw one hell of a tantrum.” Hands on her shoulders, he pushed her backwards towards the table. “I told you last time you threw a fit like that there’d be consequences for the next.”

Noel’s brown eyes lit up. “What kind of consequences?”

“Hands on the table, missy.” He turned her around and shucked the shirt down her arms. “None of your frilly little playthings. You’re in for an old fashioned crack on the behind.” Jeremy left her in position and went to the counter. Feigning a stern scowl he dug into the cutlery drawer and produced a wooden spoon, then returned to stand behind her. He gave each cheek a swat. “Get that ass up.”

With a false pout on her cherry-red lips, Noel played along and lifted her bottom in offering. “I haven’t been that naughty.”

“Shush. You want to fuss about with my backside, Ma’am, it’s only fitting that I get to fuss around with yours.” He raised the spoon.

A voice came from outside the kitchen. “Damn! I ain’t ever seen anything like this before.”

Both Jeremy and Noel scowled at the pair just beyond the storm door. “Get the fuck outta here!” Jeremy shouted.

“We haven’t had our cupcakes yet!” Barton whined.

“What cupcakes?”

“Noel always gives us cupcakes after lunch!” Eustace exclaimed.

“Fuck!” Jeremy stomped to the cupboard, then threw open the door and tossed the box of chocolate cupcakes at them. “There—now get outta here!”

“Where’s our milk?” Eustace asked.

Jeremy slammed the heavy inner door. Two pairs of eyes appeared in the little window at the top. “Fuck off!”

“What do you want us to do now?” Barton persisted.

“I don’t care—just go!” He covered the window with a dishtowel and turned. Noel was still bent over the table with her hand over her mouth and a smile peeking out from behind her painted fingers.

He scowled. “What did I tell you? Next time we wait until after they’ve eaten before we start fucking.”

“Well technically we have yet to fu—“

“Shut up, Noel.” He brandished the spoon once more. “Now, you were about to get what’s coming to you.”

“You know you were yelling at them with your dick hanging out, right? Ouch!”

The first whack was a sharp crack that took her by surprise. The second was no less stinging and filled her with anticipation. This wasn’t the first time he’d given her a wallop on the ass—though the spoon was a first—and she’d learned it was a good indicator as to how the rest of their lovemaking would proceed. It appeared as though rough and tumble was on the agenda for the day.

Jeremy didn’t hesitate once, his arm coming down in ten successive blows. By the time he tossed the spoon on the table in front of her, Noel’s buttocks was the same brilliant shade of pink as her stocking tops and her pussy was so wet she could hardly stand it.

“Shit,” he wheezed and ran his knuckles across the rosy blush he’d left. “Shit, I’m so hard it hurts.”

“Fuck me.” She begged even as he was tugging at her g-string. “Baby, fuck me until I see stars.”

He shoved the little garment aside and raked his boxers down to his knees. He grasped his cock by the shaft, squeezed the stout tip into her slippery crack, and pushed.

Noel flattened her palms on the tabletop and arched her back, celebrating in the delicious friction of his prick rubbing the elastic walls of her cunt.

“Fuck, yes. Squeeze me, Noel,” he choked when she pinched her thighs together.

He pushed her down against the cool tabletop, clamping one hand at the base of her neck, and with the other, he fingered the lacy tops of her stockings. Jeremy worked his hips with firm, steady strokes, and with every thrust, Noel’s breath was taken away, only to resurge as a low moan in rhythm with her husband’s. Amidst the metallic squeak and jangle of the table straining beneath her, her ears were filled with the liquid slurping sound of his cock working in and out of her and the muted slap of his balls bumping her sticky, swollen sex.

With her tits squashed against the table, Noel squeezed her hand between her legs and tickled his balls. Jeremy plunged deep and groaned while she massaged his pliable sac against her slick skin.

“I don’t think the table’s gonna hold up,” she puffed. “Not if you keep fucking me like that.”

“Chair.”

Still embedded inside of her, Jeremy kicked out the vinyl-seated chair and pulled her down. Noel pressed her feet against the metal rungs between the chair legs, and without missing a beat, began bouncing over his dick.

“If you don’t mind, Ma’am, I believe I was riding you.” He gripped her hips, and with more spirit than ever, he ground his body against hers.

With sweat beading on her brow, Noel’s head lolled backwards onto his shoulder and she grasped the seat of the chair as the hot tension built between her legs.

“Lean forward a bit,” Jeremy said.

With limbs like rubber, Noel pressed forward, hanging onto the table’s edge and balancing her feet on the rungs, spreading herself so wide the muscles in her thighs screamed.

“Got a good view back there?” she joked when she glanced back to find Jeremy’s eyes trained on where his thick prick pistoned her glistening pussy. She bowed her head and was immediately filled with the same fever at the lewd sight of her cunt stretched around his meaty tool.

As their excitement built, he relaxed his grip on her. He slid his hands upwards and eagerly fingered her nipples. Noel gripped the table’s edge and moved faster with him, using her feet to push herself up and down until her soles burned against the hard metal.

His arms locked around her and with a groan he went rigid. Noel shrieked and her back snapped. Waves of pleasure rocked her body and she clenched around him while his prick swelled and splashed her inner walls with his sticky-hot seed. She released her grip on the table and dug her nails into his tanned forearm, and with a final gasp, Jeremy went limp against the chair, and Noel dropped her head against the table’s cool laminate surface.

“Damn.”

After a moment, Noel lifted her head. “You hear that?”

“I don’t even know what year it is, sweetheart. And I think I might be blind.”

Maneuvering herself off of his shrinking cock and onto her rubbery legs, Noel struggled to the sink and peered out of the little window. “Jeremy, they’re out there trying to bounce my dildos off the side of the barn.”

Jeremy hauled himself up and sagged his head against her shoulder. “Those fucking idiots.” He yanked up his boxers and tore open the back door. “Put those down, you assholes!”

“Finders, keepers!”

“Yes! Eight feet, motherfucker! I win!”


Originally published July 2009