“Now what?” I ask.
“What?”
“Now what, what do we do now?”
“I’m going to the roof for a smoke. You can come, you can stay here, but I have to get out of this room.”
He gets up from his bed where we’ve been talking for the last hour and heads for the door. I follow him, slipping on my sandals and grabbing my beer. It’s not a real beer but one of those fruity flavored ones, a “pussy drink” he would call it. As we head down the hall to the stairway he puts his finger over his mouth to signal that we need to be quiet. I don’t think his landlord wants people hanging out on the roof, and we don’t want to attract attention from the neighbors. He opens the door and as we step up onto the roof I feel the fresh air fill my lungs. The tension that I hadn’t even realized was there starts to leave my body, and I think what a good idea this was. Even though we're in the same building, it feels like we’re in a completely new place; a place where we can leave the unresolved conversation behind the door of his studio and go back to being our regular everyday selves here.
We walk to the edge and lean against the cement barrier. As he lights his cigarette I look down at the street. It’s a typical summer night in the suburbs. The air is just starting to cool off and I shiver as I take a drink. It hits me how tired I am. I’m exhausted from all the talking, discussing, thinking, and feeling. I know we have a lot more to talk about and that neither of us has the energy to say it tonight. So instead, feeling the need to break the silence and bring us back to normal I say, “Do you know where any of the constellations are? I’ve never really been able to find them. I can never make them out. It all just looks like a big mass of dots to me.”
He reaches to take the bottle from me and as he does his hand grazes over mine. He takes a drink and looks up toward the sky. “It’s not very easy to see anything here. You have to get farther out in the country, and away from all the lights; but you can see the Big Dipper pretty easily.”
“Where?”
“There,” he points, “you see that thing, looks like a handle?”
“Yeah.”
“Follow it. There, see? Then it kind of goes like that.” I follow his hand as he connects the dots with the tip of his cigarette. “You see it now?”
“I guess, yeah, I can kind of see that.”
He hands my drink back to me and we both look ahead, elbows resting on the wall.
“It’s nice out here, you come up here much?”
“Sometimes, to smoke, or to just get out of my apartment for a while if I don’t feel like going for a walk.”
A car stops at the streetlight below. There are two Hispanic men in the front seat and music in a language I don’t understand floats up to me.
“Any of your neighbors ever come up here you think?”
“No, I doubt it, I’ve never seen anybody.”
“That’s cool. Good place to come at night. Clear your head.”
“We should have sex up here some time.”
I chuckle and turn my head toward him. “That was random.”
“Yeah, I don’t know, it just sort of came to me.” He is smiling and now I know we have it back; our ease, our comfort zone, our groove. Sex, having it or talking about it, always brings us back. We’re very at home with fucking.
A streetlight below turns to green and a Jeep with pulsating music drifting from its rolled down windows is soon far off in the distance. A heated silence falls over us.
“I’d do that.” I say after a time.
He takes a drag from his cigarette and then puts it out. A breeze comes and I turn my head as it blows my hair over my face, covering my eyes.
He walks behind me, puts his hands on my hips and starts massaging, moving in toward my lower back. He slides his hands up under my shirt and kneads his fingers into my back. He knows I love this, knows it gets me hot. He leans in and kisses my neck, then bites it. I giggle nervously. “This is crazy,” I whisper, but I can already feel myself getting excited. My heart skips a few beats when he slides his hands between my legs. His breath is hot on my neck as he kisses and bites and rubs my clit in slow steady circles through my jeans.
“Do you want me?” His tongue licks around my ear. It is warm and wet and close and makes me want him inside me.
“Yes.”
Confidently he undoes the button of my pants, pulls down the zipper, and roughly pushes them down to my ankles. With his hand on my hip he pulls me in toward him, and starts to rub his cock against me. I feel his erection on my ass as he pushes my underwear aside. Parting my lips with his fingers he finds my swelling clit and resumes rubbing it in tight circles. I look up at the Big Dipper and press myself against him, moving my hips with the rhythm he has set. He brings his hand to his mouth, wets his fingers, and then slides two of them inside me. I spread my legs and he bites down hard on my neck, fucking me with his hand. I inhale deeply and whisper,
“More.”
“What?”
“Put in more.”
He puts a third finger in; it’s tight but I like the pressure.
“I think I need to be a little wetter.”
He turns me around, sinks to his knees and lets his hands slide down over my hips while pulling my underwear down. His face between my legs, he starts breathing hot and slow on my pussy. I watch his tongue exploring, moving up one side of my lips and then down the other until it finally comes to rest in the center. He works my clit; hard circles at first bringing me close to orgasm, then a gentle flicking motion to slow me down. I put my hand on his head and push against his face, moving myself around, getting myself closer. He jams his tongue in my vagina, in and out, in and out. I move with him, fucking his face until I can’t wait anymore. “I want you inside me.”
He gets up off his knees and turns me around with an urgency that tells me he’s not going to tease me like he sometimes does. There will be no gentle poking with his cockhead or rubbing his shaft over my clit. I barely have time to get a grip on the wall when his whole cock is inside of me. I let out a sharp breath. His thrusts are insistent, unapologetic, and exactly what I need. I feel my mind letting go of all the night’s complications. This is simple; the harder he fucks me the better I feel. My nails scrape against the cement as I slam myself further into him. Down on the sidewalk a man who lives in the building is walking his dog. I slam harder and the smacking of my ass against his body is so loud I wonder if the man will hear it and look up. I don’t care if he does.
“Yeah, that’s a good girl, fuck me, come on.” We’re both into it now, pushing into each other as far as we can go. His hands are moving all over me; my clit, my nipples, and now gripping my hips as he leans back to pump his cock into me.
“Wait, wait a minute.” He’s out of breath, leaning into me with his arms wrapped around my waist. He’s stopped.
“What’s wrong, what’s the matter?”
“Nothing, I just, I almost came and I don’t want to come yet.” He turns and looks over his shoulder. “Turn around.” I face him and look down at his cock, put my hand on it and stroke. I feel it’s only fair to return the favor. I know he wants to keep fucking, but I figure he won’t mind once he’s in my mouth. So I get on my knees and swallow him down to the balls, one swift motion, just the way he likes it. He’s moaning and that’s all the encouragement I need. I do it again, this time sucking him a little into the back of my throat, into the soft, tight part that feels like a pussy and really gets him off. He caresses the top of my head and I can tell he’s thankful, so I go a few more times before I get up, my knees sore from the hard rooftop.
“Wrap your legs around me.” I put my arms around his neck, and as he lifts me up he puts his wet cock back inside me. Face to face now we start kissing as he carries me across the roof toward the stairs. There’s a raised, slanted surface that covers the stairway we came up, and he lays me down on the edge of it. He pulls my jeans and underwear the rest of the way off.
“You want some of this; you want a little G-spot action?” He’s smiling, pulling my legs up and on either side of his head. He knows I like this position best. His dick is curved perfectly like a G-spot dildo you’d find in a catalogue, and it always hits me in the right spot. He holds my ankles and begins to pound me, and right away I know I’ll be able to come pretty easily. I raise my hips and fuck him back as hard as I can. He smiles and says, “This is what I like about you.”
“What?”
“That you’ll do this, that you’ll let me do this to you here, that I can see how much you’re into it.”
I raise myself toward him and he grabs me, kisses me, then wraps his hand around my hair and pulls my head back. He bites my neck, kisses me more. I lean back a little, raise my hips, and he pulls me by the ankles until his cock is hitting me in just the right spot.
“There, right around there,” I’m out of breath, panting. Usually I like to take my time, make it last, but now I feel desperate to come. He’s fucking hard and fast, pounding in a tight circle and I know he won’t stop until I tell him to. I look straight at him. “Give me that cock, fuck me, make me come.”
“Yeah that’s it, that’s your spot. You gonna get wet on me, you gonna come on me?”
He’s slamming me there and I can feel the invevitable, I know I’m going to gush. He keeps fucking me harder and now I’m feeling it, the hot rush that starts in that one spot and quickly spreads all over me. So much, so intense I feel like I might cry. I tighten my hands into fists and keep looking him in the eye. He can tell, he feels the wet coming out of me.
“Yeah baby you come on, come all over me.”
And I am. I’m pouring all over his shirt and down onto the floor of the roof. I tell him to slow down now, stop, and he does. He leans forward, collapses on me, gasping for air and I start laughing.
“I can’t even feel my hands. I’m all pins and needles; you fucked the feeling all out of me.” I keep laughing, a little too loud, I forget we are outside after all and now he’s saying "shh" and telling me to be quiet and silencing me with his mouth. His lips are on mine and he’s kissing me hard, his tongue feeling like it’s never going to let me go. I can’t think, can’t remember what brought us up here. All I can do is feel his mouth on mine, his tongue over my nipples and down my stomach, and at last licking my dripping pussy.