Standing in front of rows and rows of books on sex, with titles like 101 Nights of Great Sex, 20 Great Dirty Games and How to Get Your Man Off, there's always one title that pops out at me from the shelves. Perhaps I've resisted it because there's so much buzz around it. After all, it has been around a long time (the 2004 version is the 4th edition), and it's gloriously large (no pun intended) with 729 pages not including the glossary. Friends have told me about it and I've read about it in other publications. So while I try and review books that may be more obscure, this month I just couldn't resist any longer. Almost against my will, my hands plucked the book from the shelves, and as though suddenly liberated to enjoy something that had been kept from me, I rushed home and delved in.
The Guide to Getting it On! is an extensive book on sex. It covers almost any aspect of sex that a person can imagine, from masturbation to anal stimulation to how to help your man if he has a premature ejaculation problem. Illustrations of what look like your favorite comic book characters doing their favorite dirty deeds augment the pages and provide visual aids to some of the topics. Chapter titles include: "The Zen of Finger Fucking," "When the Tide Turns Red," and "Sex on the Interstate and in the Woods."
I was very pleasantly surprised to find that though the majority of this book was written by a man, it's definitely pro-woman and even feminist in its approach to sex. The book begins with an unexpected discussion on the inherent sexism in modern English slang, and goes on to address the sexist ideology found in religion. The author, Paul Joannides, aptly describes sex in America over the past few decades as a "kind of Siamese twin with one head being puritanical and the other hedonistic...while young teenagers who haven't even started to grow pubic hair are now having intercourse, college students on some campuses in the Midwest are proving to be more conservative that their grandparents were in the 1950s." (pp. 11 & 12)
The Guide is chockful of wonderful tidbits and ideas to help make any sexual relationship more healthy. It stresses caring, communication and tolerance in general. It discusses concepts such as the fact that the brain is the most important part of sex, and that foreplay is a dirty word. "The concept of foreplay implies that tenderness is little more than a tollbooth on the highway to intercourse...Foreplay is what you are supposed to do to get a woman wet enough so the two of you can have intercourse." (pp. 21 & 22) Instead of viewing foreplay in this antiquated way, the Guide recommends viewing foreplay as "everything that's happened between you and your partner since the last time you had sex." Now, speaking as a married woman, that's a great way to look at foreplay!
The Guide is funny. Before it takes you through a detailed anatomy lesson of a woman's genitalia, with sections on each part of the vagina, including the lips, the shaft of the clitoris, the bulb of the clitoris, etc... (illustrations are also provided), Joannides confesses that he has been hunting down the secrets to a woman's pleasure from a very early age. Stumbling across an old vending machine in a restroom at age 11, he spent the equivalent of what would have bought ten candy bars for something that said "instant pussy." "The rest of the day was spent in quiet anticipation, with thoughts of instant pussy overwhelming whatever interesting sights and sounds the big city had to offer. Finally, after he had arrived home and done his chores, the anxious boy opened the small box and read the instructions...With an Enola Gay-like swoop, his trembling finger dropped the capsule into the glass...Forty minutes went by before the gelatin capsule finally melted and revealed a thin piece of sponge in the shape of a cat." (p. 116) This is just one of the many funny anecdotes in the Guide. Throughout it all, the writing is intelligently humorous, and makes an already fascinating topic even more fun to read.
I could go on and on, there is so much information in the Guide. There's advice on how to touch and tantalize your partner's balls, historical and sociological information, advice on how to best get ready for anal sex, and so, so much more.
The Guide is frank and down to earth. It doesn't take itself too seriously, and the key ingredients within the text seem to be an open mind, a sense of humor and a sense of adventure. In reality, these are the things that make for a healthy and stimulating sex life, which is what makes this book such an invaluable tool. I must admit, I haven't even gotten through the entire thing yet. But this is definitely one of those books that will live close to my bedside, ever-ready to provide some late night reading and stimulating reference.
Guide to Getting it On! Goofy Foot Press, Waldport, OR.
Buy it at Amazon.com starting at $13.99!
Originally published September 2005 - "Sugar & Spice"