Dear Barnabus,
My husband is absolutely obsessed with the size of his penis. It's a nice 6 inches and pretty thick. He satisfies me completely and we have a great sex life, especially considering we've been together for almost 10 years. I haven't been with anyone else for these entire 10 years so I don't really know if I'm missing something, and if his obsession is founded or not. He tries everything to make his dick bigger including penis pumps, popping pills and now he's seriously considering plastic surgery. I really don't want him to go through with this! I tell him time and time again that I love his penis and that I'm very happy with it, but he responds saying that he's not and he wants it to be bigger. Once he bought a huge dildo from an online sex store and begged for me to let him fuck me with it, saying that if I did than I'd understand why he needed to be bigger. I was so freaked out by his attitude that I refused to comply, but am starting to wonder whether I'm not being understanding enough.
What is behind his obsession? Is there anything I can do to help him that I haven't tried yet? How can I change his mind about getting plastic surgery?
Help!
Signed, Happy with Chicken Little
Dear Mrs. Chicken Little,
Let me guess, your husband spent four years in Catholic high school, where gym-time ridicule is part of the daily ritual. And if I may venture another guess... he's short, isn't he?
All joking aside, this is a big problem for many men. Whether a woman is aware of it or not, just as she may feel a lot of societal pressure to have a certain sized waste and breasts, there is a lot of societal expectation put on a man in regards to the size of his member.
That said, (not knowing this from personal experience, of course) men with average- to smaller-sized penises are most widely recognized as better lovers. They take more time, are more attentive, and pay more attention to what their lover wants, whereas typically the man with the larger-than-average penis is a poor lover, thinking that women just like to be pounded.
In other words, a man with a larger penis tends to keep and rely on only one trick in his bag... he's a one trick pony so to speak. And to almost every woman (excepting our lovely Jordan)* that gets boring over time. You could use this information to convince your husband that he is actually a much better lover than the men that he so wishes he was one of are.
As you communicate with your husband about his obsession, you should seriously consider a few things:
1) Has he had a sexual experience with another woman that was terrible and may be still affecting his self image as a lover?
2) Could he be having an affair, and if so, could his lover be the one saying negative things about his penis size? (If this is the case, you obviously have a lot more problems to deal with than his current penile obsession.)
3) Research the surgery he's interested in, and talk to him about all of the risks associated with it. Just after doing a little bit of research myself, I found that there are many different types of surgeries, and each one has its own side affects.
For example, if your husband wants a longer penis, typically the suspensory ligaments that support the penis are cut, which causes the penile shaft to drop forward and extend out, thus creating the illusion of a longer penis. After surgery, part of the postoperative treatments is to stretch the penis to prevent the severed suspensory ligament from healing shorter than it was before the surgery.
Another example involves if your husband wants to increase the girth of his cock. Increasing the girth of the penis relies on fat cells (usually taken from the abdomen) being transplanted (injected) around the penis. The procedure, known as fat transfer, bulks-up the penis and can increase the girth of the penis by one to three inches. One of the possible drawbacks is that the transplanted fat cells feel soft, somewhat like female breast tissue. Additionally, increases in the girth of the penis achieved this way can often disappear as the fat cells are reabsorbed back into the body. Sometimes, the re-absorption of the transplanted fat is uneven and the penis is left looking lumpy and unsightly... and that's downright gross.
These are just a few of the possible surgeries out there, and they all sound pretty unappetizing. Another important thing to note: The American Urological Association does not presently consider the techniques involved with penile surgery to have been proven to be safe or effective. So, your husband would have to decide whether his desire to be large truly does outweigh all of the risk and potential danger and side effects for penile implants. Getting educated may provide enough discouragement to persuade him to drop it.
4) Also, you may want to check into if your husband is prone to obsessive personality problems. Though this sounds extreme, people can develop such sever obsessions about a single body part (or perceived physical ugliness in general) that it becomes a mental disease, known as Body Dysmorphic Disorder. If this is the case, you can compromise with your husband and concede he does need to go to a doctor... but a psychologist rather than a surgeon.
Alas, there may come a point when you have to give in and let your husband fulfill his desire to become bigger via plastic surgery. If this happens, I recommend you emotionally prepare yourself ahead of time to deal with the surgery, recovery and new size of your husband.
Good luck!
- Barnabus
*Editor's note: Although Jordan appreciates a well-hung man, she does not under any circumstances tolerate so called "one-trick-ponies" regardless of his penis size (some of these ponies have been small, some huge). Jordan is a connoisseur of fine sex and expects her lover to work as hard to please her as she does to please him. Read more on great penis expectations in this month's Ask Jordan.
Originally published March 2006 - "Straight Lines and Sexy Curves"