Dear Barnabus,
I'm a straight woman in a serious relationship, and I've recently discovered that I really enjoy watching gay porn (gay as in men having sex with men). I'd like to introduce the idea to my boyfriend, but I'm wondering what he might think. Is he going to be totally grossed out? Will he wonder if I'm some sort of perv? How should I break the news to him?
Sincerely,
Giddy for Gay
Dear Giddy,
This is an interesting situation. Unfortunately, some straight men have a natural revulsion to gay porn or gay activity of any kind. My first piece of advice, tread carefully. By the tone of the questions you asked, I take it you don't have an entirely open relationship with the guy, or you just don't know one another that well. I would bring it up slowly - First, drop little hints or say something like, "I came across a video the other day that I found very interesting... bla bla bla." Watch his reaction. If he's totally weirded out, gay porn may have to be one of those little private indulgences that you enjoy during your solo time.
If my assumptions about your relationship are incorrect, you may want to take the "tell all" route and just be totally honest. If he's man enough to handle the truth, he'll be man enough to tell you what he really thinks.
I can't really answer your questions about whether or not he'll think you're a perv or whether or not he'll be totally grossed out because I just don't know the guy. Personally, I don't think you're a perv. Think of human sexuality as a plant with many different petals and variegated leaves. It's a complicated thing with layers upon layers of nuance - which makes it all the more fun and interesting.
And now my dear, you've piqued my interest. Perhaps I'll head on over to the porn section of my local video place and check out a gay vid or two. Maybe my wife will enjoy it as much as you do.
- Barnabus
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Originally published November 2006 - "Simply Sexy"