Dear Jordan,
My boyfriend often masturbates in the shower... it doesn't seem to affect our sex life but it still makes me wonder... is he a pervert? Should I be concerned?
-High and Dry
Dear High and Dry,
No he's not a pervert. Men masturbate. They start masturbating as soon as they discover their dicks and they don't stop until the day they die (or until their sex drive dies). Your man has a healthy male libido and that is all. As long as your sex life is alive and kicking you really don't have anything to worry about. In fact, maybe you should thank your healthy honey for doing it in the shower because that means fewer socks and sheets to wash.
-Jordan
Dear Jordan,
I've always wanted to screw my boyfriend in the butt with my dildo. He seems to like it when I lick him there. Do you have any advice about how I should approach him on the subject? Should we talk about it or should I just lube him up and do it?
-Funky Butt Lovin'
Dear FBL,
Men either like the idea of having their butt toyed with or they don't. A lot of men I've encountered are very averse to the idea because for some naïve reason they associate anal play with homosexuality. However, the fact that he likes having his butt licked leads me to believe that he would be open to exploring more anal play. But please ask him first! Whatever you do don't just "lube him up and do it."
You may want to ease him into the idea by adding a little bit of finger play with your butt licking. This isn't nearly as intimidating as getting rammed with a 6 inch dildo. Gently inserting your finger into his anus will expose him to this pleasurable new sensation which may lead him to be more excited about the possibility of playing out your ultimate fantasy.
If he enjoys the fingering, then you can push his boundaries a little further. The best time and place to ask him is in the heat of the moment, when he's turned on and his dick his hard. Men (and women) both tend to be more open minded about sex when they are excited. But don't bring out the dildo just yet. Start by whispering in his ear in your naughtiest bedroom voice "honey I fantasize about doing you in the butt with my dildo, can I?" If he snaps away with a look of disgust on his face, drop the subject, smile and give him a little oral sex to ease his distress. However if it happens to be on his list of things he'd like to try in bed, he'll jump at the chance and then you'll know it's time to lube him up and do it. Good luck!
-Jordan
Originally Published August 2006: Sweat