"Simultaneous peeing is such a turn-on!" he begged me. "It's better than a simultaneous orgasm. I promise. Try it, for me?" I looked at him incredulously, unable to believe that this was truly his biggest turn-on. Being the partner-pleaser that I am though, I laughed and thought to myself well what the hell and sat down on the toilet to pee (hoping that I would be able to let go under the circumstances). He motioned with his hands for me to spread my thighs a little wider, I obliged. His face carried the expression of a man on the brink of orgasm and he stepped closer to me, aimed his penis between my legs. "OK baby, pee with me," he demanded, and suddenly I was experiencing simultaneous peeing. His urine stream combined with mine and splashed into the porcelain enclosed waters. He moaned, grabbed me by the hair with his left hand while steadying his cock with his right and blissfuly bit his bottom lip as he observed the merging streams. Despite my efforts not to, I began to laugh heartily, partly from embarrassment at what I was doing and partly because it was so fucking funny. When the last of the drips subsided, he pulled me to my feet and kissed me ferociously. "Thank you baby, I told you it would be awesome. My ex-girlfriend and I used to do that together all the time." Needless to say, that relationship didn't last long.
So what do you do when your partner's sexual desires just don't quite match up with yours? Sexual compatibility can be so difficult to find, every one has a different set of experiences and preferences that combine to make him or her a unique sexual being. Sometimes these so-called "weird" preferences open up a world of sexual possibility for us and encourage us to explore each other in new and exciting ways. (Can you say sexual "jackpot!"?)
But other times our partner's preferences may go way out of the bounds of what we are willing to try. And some individuals harbor seriously bizarre sexual eccentricities, so strange that they are often hard pressed to find a willing partner in anyone (thank goodness for special online interest groups, huh?).
If you consider yourself to be sexually eccentric or have experienced some strangely sexy or just plain strange encounters, read on, because you are certainly not alone. For the Sexy, Strange, and Strangely Sexy issue of Oysters & Chocolate, I canvassed our group of diverse and open-minded readers to share with us their strangest sexual encounters. Enjoy!
"(My boyfriend liked to) look at the bones of a dead cat (during intercourse). That or stop sex to observe a two headed kitten embalmed in a pickle jar."
"An ex once asked me to cluck like a chicken while he gave me head..."
"I had a lover who had me paper mache her entire body so she could pretend it was a full body cast and then had me dress in a white coat and stethoscope to play the concerned doctor making his late night rounds at my patient's rooms. She asked for my help, requesting euthanasia, because she saw no purpose in living now that she wasn't beautiful. I tried to convince her that she was the most radiant woman I've ever seen, but then she tested my conviction and asked me to prove it. I complied eagerly, telling her that even with her body crippled...she was the most glorious woman I had ever laid eyes upon. I first began coaxing smiles from her using my tongue in the only place besides her head that wasn't covered in a cast. After she climaxed once she asked me to give her my 'private prescription' and as a good doctor I complied spending the entire night making her beauty flower over and over and over."
"The weirdest thing I've ever been asked to do is to straddle the woman and let her suck me off while she let her dog lick her pussy...needless to say I didn't do it and never talked to her again..."
"My wife (back when we were just dating) asked me to pee inside her during sex once. It was really, really hot and led to a few years of water sports."
"A boyfriend with a high-heel fetish had me fuck his ass with the heel of my 6" cfms as I got him off manually [my foot was NOT in the shoe at the time, in case you're trying to figure out the geometry of THAT move lol]. He also liked to cum on my shoes.
"This same boyfriend liked to videotape me sitting in a chair naked holding open porn mags, such as Cheri. If it was a closeup picture of a pussy, I'd spread my legs so he could film my pussy, then focus in on the magazine, and back. Sometimes he'd put me in the same position as the model, sometimes not. I don't know if he ever watched these movies, but he got off on making them.
"None of this did anything for me ..."
"She wanted her dog in bed with us while we made love (no, NOT in the bestiality sense!!). Usually the dog was locked out of the room or on the floor next to the bed staring up at us with its big brown eyes, whimpering. But this one time she called the dog and he jumped onto the bed.
Why was it weird? Try making love with a dog jumping on the two of you, trying to nudge his nose between you two, licking your face while you're kissing each other or doing other stuff, trying to separate the two of you while you're fucking, etc.
Sometimes I'd get annoyed and push the dog away; sometimes I'd just laugh my head off."
"When I was in college, my boyfriend rigged up a Polaroid camera so he could take pictures of us in the act. His favorite was the one where you could only see the important stuff - his penis going into me. He absolutely loved that picture!"
"She asked me to lick her cunt with chocolate syrup on it. So I did. Then I fucked her the same way. Later, we tried anal and whip cream. What a great Sundae that was."
"Hmmm...weird is a weird thing to say ;) I don't consider anything a lover wants to do as weird, myself. Probably the most unexpected thing was the time a lover asked me to lie on the floor on my back with a blindfold on and the door unlocked to have him let himself in as if he were a stranger, put his cock in my mouth and come, and then leave. We weren't supposed to speak the entire time, but afterwards, he couldn't help whispering thank you."
"The weirdest thing my boyfriend asked me to do in bed, we called Sundae Treats.
He asked me to make a sundae, a banana split sundae with his penis."
My boyfriend once requested "can we play to the Imperial Star Wars theme?" and another time he asked "would it do anything for you if I fucked your boobies?" I felt pretty bad after laughing for 5 minutes.
"My boyfriend wanted to do me in the butt while staring at a slab of raw meat on a plate, only talking to/looking at/referring to the meat, and not say a thing to me the entire time"
Remember readers, if you are faced with a sexual encounter of the weird kind consider your options:
- If it strangely excites you, try it, you might like it!
- If your partner is crossing a definite boundary, explain your position on the subject and graciously bow out of the game.
- Consider whether or not you and your partner are truly sexually compatible. A relationship where the partners exist on two different sexual planes usually leads to dissatisfaction and potentially broken hearts.
- Consider whether or not you are being fair with your partner, either by asking him/her to do something a little too off the beaten path, or on the flip side whether or not you are judging your partner too harshly when s/he asks you to do something unusual.
- If there is no trust in your relationship, keep your boundaries close. Trying something strange with a partner who you don't know can be dangerous physically and emotionally.
- If you are in a trusting relationship, remember to play hard and experiment to keep your sex life exciting, this may include trying things that are a little out of your comfort zone.
Originally published June 2006: Sexy, Strange & Strangely Sexy