Fun, Free Sex Advice
Dear Barnabus,
My husband caught me kissing another man at a party and he didn't even break a sweat! He just sat down right next to us and opened up a soda and munched on some chips. He didn't even bring it up later! I've been waiting for weeks for the consequences and am starting to wonder if he really just didn't care! What should I do?
- Kissing Conundrum
Dear Kissing,
Yes, you should be worried. Hello? There are two major problems here - One, you're kissing another man. Why would you be doing that when you're a married woman, unless there were some problems in the marriage and you were somehow dissatisfied or wanted to give your husband a clear message in an immature way? Two - your husband doesn't give a rat's ass that you're engaging in a behavior, which you supposedly swore off on your wedding day. Why would he not give a crap unless he just didn't really care about you or your marriage either? Your marriage needs help girl. Needs help now.
That said, perhaps there's more to this situation than meets the eye. Perhaps your husband is simply not a jealous man - never has been, never will be. If this is the case, your problem is cut in half. You don't have to deal with the fact that he doesn't care, only with the fact that you yourself have issues. You need to ask yourself why you were kissing another man... are you sick of your marriage or have you simply lost a little bit of the spark?
Perhaps you two are swingers and failed to mention that to me. Or perhaps you've been discussing becoming swingers, and your husband simply assumed you were taking it from pillow talk and into reality.
A lot of couples experience a lull in their sex lives after being together for several years. Some people address this problem by putting a little bit more effort into their sexual activities -they buy toys, play games, subscribe to a sexy erotica zine (wink, wink), etc...Some people seek a little bit of clandestine excitement outside of the marriage - which often ends in heartbreak or worse... and some decide to take it to the next level with one another, and others, and become swingers.
If this kiss in indeed a step that you two are taking towards becoming swingers, I wish you luck. Not ever having been one myself (the thought of my wife kissing another man, let alone doing other things to him, fills me with an intense mixture of rage, nausea and sadness), I can only give you some practical advice. Be safe and be sweet to one another. Talk about every step you take into the wild world of swinging, and be honest about what you're comfortable with. If you must, make rules for one another (you can only have oral sex with someone else, you can't kiss another person, no anal sex, etc...) and be respectful of the other person's insecurities. From what I understand, the swingers' culture is one of patience and open-mindedness. Don't pressure one another and take care of one another.
If this kiss actually has nothing to do with swinging, I recommend you see the best marriage counselor that money can buy, and pronto.
-Barnabus
Originally Published August 2006: Sweat