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O&C Take Out - Who's on Top?

By: Jordan & Samantha

Tags: 2010 ,  Domination ,  O&C Take Out ,  Submission

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Who do you like to be in control in the bedroom?


Share your sexpertise by commenting below.


Dear Readers,

Sex is about the sharing of energy and the giving and taking of power. Someone has to initiate the act, and during the play there are always little decisions to be made. Which position? Do we introduce toys? Who gets the spankings (if anyone)? One of the partners is in control at various times throughout the play, and sometimes one partner is always in control.

So our question is, who do you like to be in control? You? Your partner? A little bit of both? Does your current partner take the reigns when you want him/her to? Do you wish you could be more assertive? Or do you wish your partner was more aggressive? In your answer, let us know if you are a man or a woman and if your partner is a man or a woman.

Remember, all answers can be 100% anonymous, just use a fake name.
xoxo

Jordan and Samantha

***
O&C Take Out is an exciting monthly section created just for our readers. If you think of reading the delectable O&C stories as "eating in," then Take Out is a way for us to order out for opinions, comments and discussion from our readers. We hope it's informative, inspiring and fun! To engage in the conversation, simply submit a comment at the bottom of the article. We look forward to reading what our plethora of sophisticated readers have to say!

Originally published November 2010


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  • Lizzy
    11/17/2010 3:25:44 PM

    I want my boyfriend to be more aggressive sometimes. I'd love for him to just grab me, tear my clothes off, and fuck me! He's such a pussy cat in bed usually, although he usually DOES initiate, which I like. I'm female, he's male, we've been together 2 years.

  • JHL
    11/17/2010 3:59:40 PM

    I like to feel that I am in charge; that does not mean that my partner is "uncharged" or inert. The best sex has both striving to please themselves as much as their partner.

  • Orchidaceae
    11/17/2010 5:00:34 PM

    I'm a woman and I love it when my man is dominant, even when I happen to physically be on top. I am definitely the one getting the spankings. With another woman I prefer things to be roughly equal if it is vanilla --when kinky I want to be in charge. If she likes spankings I'm happy to give them to her.

  • APB
    11/17/2010 10:25:21 PM

    I'm female, my partner is male. We take turns. In fact we just had a conversation about whether either of us had gone "too far". We both agreed we had not. Agree with the comment about best sex when both are striving to please themselves as well as each other. Our last afternoon together we took turns being on top.

  • Simone Luspi
    11/18/2010 12:58:36 AM

    I'm female, my partner is a man. We've been lovers for decades. From the instant we met, there has always been a matched energy; a push-me, pull-you playfulness that simply is but he is usually the initiator. We talk our way through the various fantasies, check-ins and power-plays. His voice is better than anything KY markets. He dominates me with it, first forcefully, then agonizingly gently because that's a different kind of control and release. He lashes me with it, teases me, spanks me. Then, with complete trust, he gives me the space to experiment doing the same for him. I'm lubing up my vocal chords for his next visit. My throat will be well rehearsed and I will be the Lead.

  • Jewels
    11/18/2010 5:06:31 AM

    I'd like my husband to be in control, but I'm the one who is always in control. I like things rough (usually), but I don't get that kind of sex with my husband, but my fantasies work wonders:-)

  • Lablu
    11/18/2010 5:50:09 AM

    I'm a man. My partner is a woman. We are married. We have two daughters. I always initiate the sex acts, only a day I can remember that my wife initiated the act sucking my nipples. I usually prefer my wife on top. My wife is always in control. I want my wife aggressive.

  • Sex-positive slut
    11/18/2010 8:16:57 AM

    After being married for several years, my husband and I have separated. A few weeks later I began dating a guy we both know. This guy is not really my "type" but he's nice and my husband and I hadn't had sex in months. I figured the "nice guy" would be good for testing the waters and might surprise me with a freaky side once we got going. Well, it's been a lot of work! He doesn't mind if I initiate the act but: he likes to be on top most of the time, doesn't like doggy style, won't go down on me, is clueless about helping me orgasm and doesn't seem to want to learn. Although I genuinely like this guy, I see our situation moving back into friend zone soon. I would appreciate it if he was more aggressive in his pursuit of learning how to get me off but I don't see it happening. Based on my many and varied encounters with both males and females, I've begun to think of sensuality and sexual adventurousness as gifts one is born with. He's told me I totally turn him on and make him WANT to do things he's never done before in bed. But I believe he was born without the gift. So even if he dared to venture into unknown territory, it would all be mechanical on his part. *sigh* I'm cutting him some slack right now because he's helping me financially. But I know I'll be looking for some GOOD sex very soon.

  • Mario Jauregui
    11/18/2010 9:10:21 AM

    I like being in charge so I can make the pace and set the tone. As the sex is happening and the roles switch briefly, as they always do, I pull the reigns back and let her know who's the boss. Rarely do I like to be submissive all the way through but then there are those days with that dominant other and I have no choice~

  • Alex Severn
    11/18/2010 10:38:14 AM

    I am a male, my partner is a woman. I have very submissive tendencies though I can 'switch' and be dominant too! Love the thought of being a woma 's sex slave, her toy, existing just to please and serve her. To me, women are vastly superior to men and we men exist to worship them. Need to be stripped, tied up and whipped regularly, spanking does it for me too! BDSM is fabulous for me, as above, my fantasies are around being domianted, giving her oral sex, on my knees my head between her legs drives me wild, licking sucking her pussy lips, her clit tasting her juices.... but I like to beg to be allowed this treat, pleading with her to make me submit more and more.........Unfortunately my wife isn't into all this, she's great but my fantasies are just that!!! Where are all the dominant mistresses outthere, take me take me, take me!!!!!!! Alex

  • Jordan LaRousse
    11/18/2010 12:58:23 PM

    We are LOVING your answers to this readers! Please keep them coming! :) :)

  • Benjamin
    11/18/2010 1:23:57 PM

    I am Male, my last partner was female. We took turns, mostly when it came to the "on top" position. However, she was fond of teasing and enjoyed being "manhandled." She was light enough that I could often lift her, or roll her, or grab her and move her anyway I liked. Usually she responded to this positively. As she said, it was the intensity of the actions that turned her on. Personally, I liked being in control in that way, but I often felt as if I was doing ALL of the "intense" things. There's being in physical control and then there's being the entertainment. After a while, this grew old.

  • Dalo
    11/18/2010 2:09:58 PM

    I was married to my husband for 13 years. We had an amazing sex life. He always wanted me to get off first or he couldn't achieve his goal. Now we are separated and I can't imagine having a great sex life with anyone else. I can't imagine how anyone else could be as good in bed as he was. I've had one partner since and he left a lot to be desired including an orgasm. Sigh! But for the record. I liked when he initiated it. Foreplay was like flipping a light switch and I loved when he took control. The only time I liked to be manhandled was in bed. To put it in the words of a silly romance novel, I liked being ravaged. And still do.

  • Talia Kelley
    11/18/2010 10:09:25 PM

    I'm a straight female, and I'm always in control in the bedroom. I may let him *think* he's in control, but it's just an illusion.

  • carnalcarmen
    11/19/2010 9:24:00 AM

    As a single female in her mid-50s, my appetite for sex is off the charts right now so I have 2 lovers. Joel controls everything right down to how many orgasms I have but he also believes that a woman's pleasure is the only thing that matters. He plays my body like a musical composition and my role is to be his audience. He decided when I'm ready and then sets off a chain of orgasms that are surreal. Only then am I allowed to satisfy him. He's never fucked me though. I think he fears giving up that complete control. Kevin is much different. He always comes out strong and forceful and in control. He establishes control by making me stand in front of the mirror nude while he is behind me. My arms and hands are up and locked behind his head so I am powerless and must watch him as his hands roam everywhere. Only after we're in bed does he let me take charge... especially in the morning. Then I'm always the aggressive one. A personal note to Alex S above: As submissive as I think I am, I would love to take you for the slave you want to be. You would get all you say you need and so much more. Your cock under lock and key, regular stern discipline to ensure good behavior, punishment for even the slightest infraction of any rule, and only one purpose -- my pleasure always in every way. Could you really accept such complete domination over every aspect of your life? Or do you want it for 30 minutes 3 times a week? With me, it's all or nothing.

  • MMJ
    11/19/2010 10:35:54 AM

    I’m a strong, confident, independent woman in her early 40’s. I like to be in control of my life. I refrain from getting drunk because I can’t stand to loose control. However, it’s different when I am having sex with a lover. I love to be submissive. Vanilla sex doesn’t stimulate me as much as when I’m being tied down and ravaged and played with like a toy. I like my lover or lovers to take control. I like to feel helpless and vulnerable. I also like to feel as if I’m well cared for, and that feeling happens when I’m submitting to the right person. I love to just let go and ride the erotic waves of submission. It’s like being a writer and going into observe mode, watching the events unfold before me minute by minute. I love the aesthetic feeling of subspace – the ultimate, complete surrender mode. I am titillated by the pain and pleasure, the anticipation, the denial, the teasing and pleasing, as well as the rush of adrenaline which pumps with high energy in my veins. I like the exchange of power that goes on with a D/S scene. I love to pump energy back into the person who is dominating me. When I have D/S type sex, there’s more to it than just the sexual aspects of it. To me, my imagination is stimulated. My senses are heightened, and my fantasies are fulfilled. I feel very comforted by the person who is dominating me. The act of this type of role play lasts much longer for me than vanilla type sex. It may take several hours to play in a dominated/submissive type scenario, versus the 10 minutes to one hour of vanilla sex. When I am in a submissive state, I force myself to zero in on every sensation and surrender enough to become intoxicated with the role play – as if I’d dropped into another world, where only my lover and I exist.

  • Alex Severn
    11/19/2010 12:55:31 PM

    Must respond to CarnalCarmen as above, thank you so much for your views. Yes - reading your words aroused me totally, we are same age group by chance, maybe experiences in our lives mirror each other? The thought of you having my cock and balls under your total control, lock and key if you as my mistress demanded it is so perfect!!! Cock case made of leather sounds ideal!!! As I said above, I want to feel I exist only to please and serve you, maybe you casually strip me, chain me up spread out on your bed. Whip me just because it pleases you - make me beg for mercy.......have used nipple clamps in the past, erotically marvellous, so maybe you tease and punish me, teach me I am only your sex toy and humiliate me too, thats vital. Let your friends see me at your mercy, bound and helpless, I don't just want to be your slave, I want you to make me beg to be ALLOWED to be your slave!! And yes for the right mistress I want complete domination , body and soul - as you say, with you its all or nothing.Remember licking a woman's hot wet pussy, tasting her whenever she wants it is a dream for me. If I am allowed to fuck her, anyway she pleases, I just obey. God I am so hard and hot now,if you can get back to me, Mistress Carmen, wonderful!!!! XXX

  • Master Howard
    11/19/2010 9:30:24 PM

    I am usually in control, though I do like my partner/s to initiated sex and be agressive in the foreplay and the sex. There are the times, where Iwant to lay back and be the one taken and used, so to speak. MH

  • carnal carmen
    11/20/2010 12:52:36 PM

    While I appreciate that Alex S above responded to my comments about becoming my slave, he seems to be missing the point of the question. The question was, "who's in control." Then he goes on to say specifically how he wants to be controlled by a Mistress. Alex, you have been very bad. You have no right to express how you want me to control you. Your place is to obey my every order. It is not your place to suggest how I might take charge of you. Doing so is a punishable offense that indicates to me that you require very strict discipline to erase all specific wishes from your mind. If you wish to beg to be allowed to be my slave, you should begin with google and learn how to address a Mistress in a manner that she will respond to. Perhaps there, as MMJ suggests in her post, you will find you've "dropped into another world, where only my lover and I exist."

  • Angela
    11/20/2010 1:40:49 PM

    Control is a shared experience with us. We take turns. The difference is when I'm in control, they level of my intimacy will dictate what he will give me in return; it's a give and take situation. Hum, now I can't wait for tonight when he gets back in town!

  • Alex Severn
    11/20/2010 1:45:08 PM

    Please please Mistress Carmen, I have been frantically searching sites to learn how to address you and to atone for my appalling behaviour.....Please please I beg you please have mercy on a worthles ignorant slave and whore........may I plead to be allowed to grovel and worship your feet, lick your boots clean? Will you use your slave to amuse your most gacious and beautiful self, please may your slave suffer anything you choose to please you? I am naked at your feet, my leg spread wide, my cock is hard for you, my balls are throbbing for you.........please will you set me tasks and impose ANY discipline you choose to teach me - I have accepted my new world where only you and I exist...if I am to be whipped I will thank you for every stroke, if mistress decides to brand her worthless slave permanently I will be so proud to wear your marks on my body........I see now I need to belong body and soul to you, please please give me another chance to become yours for ever..........if mistress wishes me to submit even more will she give me her mail addrss so I can debase my self further and maybe sign a contract of ownership so she knows I understand my place...at your mercy, on my knees. Please please forgive your slave...XXXXXXXX

  • carnalcarmen
    11/20/2010 2:31:31 PM

    Alex, clearly you are desperate for Mistress but perhaps you look too hard. Sometimes an address is just that. Maybe you weren't aware that google also has an email function that might serve your purpose. So, at risk of offending the owners of this delicious site, I am demonstrating my dominance by ordering you to email me using my screen name but at gmail dot com. I enjoy exhibiting how quickly you have submitted to me -- less than one hour after my post. I think all readers would agree that you deserve praise for promptness. You must however learn to limit your expression of desires. You have only one desire -- to surrender all control to me.

  • Alex Severn
    11/20/2010 4:14:23 PM

    Yes Mistress...........I too want the world to see how I obey and have my submission displayed for others to acknowledge. Ecstatic to accept I am Mistress Carmen's slave and whore- I will do as she says- mail her and surrender completely, viewers of this site can rest assured, she will take me and make me her property now- My one desire is to submit and worship, no boundaries, no hesitation. Slavery is freedom, my body and soul are hers to use and abuse and discard as she wishes. My life is to please her and suffer as she finds amusing. Luckiest guy in the world aren't I?!!!

  • carnalcarmen
    11/20/2010 6:24:17 PM

    Perhaps I spoke too soon in praising Alex S for promptness. He begs for submission and a Mistress willing to take full possession of his body, his mind and his emotions, then boasts of obedience and surrender, yet he keeps me waiting. Certainly he can't expect this behavior to be tolerated, especially after I've expressed the value of promptness. Does he not realize that in being disobedient, he is attempting to take control? This is unacceptable and can not be tolerated. It's inappropriate for Alex and I to use this forum for personal communications and for that I apologize to the authors and readers. Hopefully, these messages illustrate how control can swing back and forth. How strongly I disapprove of his behavior and how I reclaim all power is best left between us. The one commitment I can make is that, should Alex S write me as he's promised, it will be the last time he ever attempts to gain control.

  • Alex Severn
    11/21/2010 2:52:13 AM

    Mistress I mailed you as you ordred immediately, please tell me you received it okay? XXXX

  • Alex Severn
    11/21/2010 3:17:45 AM

    Mistress Carmen, guess you didn't get the personal mail I sent you as promised, I am a stupid slave and maybe got address wrong!!?? I swaer i meant no disobience and will submit totally for ever if you give me a chance. Wold you deign to lower yourself to mail me direct, just one line to let me get your address and I swear I will reply appropriately and you will see I am not trying to control or dictate just to serve and worship. PLEASE my address is a.belojica@sky.com XXX Just one line to put me out of misery...

  • Piper
    11/23/2010 1:07:13 PM

    I am a 27 yr old female. My husband of three years is 34 yrs old. I am usually the one to initiate sex. Sometimes I wish he would make the first move more often. He is wonderful all the time. He is always respectful of my body. I have a lot of problems with my periods, cramping etc... He has said before that he doesn't want to pressure me if I am hurting so he waits til I offer. That being said, I LOVE the rare times he makes the first move. I like the feeling that he cant wait to have me. That we have to get off, NOW! And he is always responsive. Anytime I offer he is up for it. lol I really like to fuck hard around 2 or 3 in the morning. Everytime I wake him up to do this he always "pops" right up. I am also usually the agressor. I have tied him up but have never been tied up. We both really like him blindfolded on blowjobs. I like to be spanked, lightly. Not enough to make impossible to sit but enough to really redden my cheeks. I also like to be bit on my arse. He doesn't like either one of these things. He did get off once though just by me biting hard on his right chest area. Suprised us both the way he shot off since he had just got off. I guess we are just built for each other. We both take the time to see what works for us and what we like. We are very open to toys, bondage, blindfolds, positions, etc... We also give each other suggestions on how to make our orgasms better. So far our sex life has improved with each passing year. By the way, We have amazing orgasms. It is my favorite pastime.

  • Piper
    11/23/2010 1:13:42 PM

    For Jordan and Samantha: I just want to say I love your site. I love erotica and you guys really give it a classier vibe. I like that you don't spell coming as cumming. Pornos are fine but spellings like that belong on them. I like to read hardcore stuff but without the silly spellings. I love your site so much I have shared it with all four of my sisters and my mother. Needless to say, O&C is the only site I have done so with. I also share the site with my husband. It is more tasteful and I don't feel like I have been in a dirty alley with a stranger when I am done reading. Thank you for having a tasteful erotica site that appeals to many different aspects of people's sex lives. Keep up the good work!

  • Samantha
    11/23/2010 4:50:54 PM

    Dearest Piper -- thank you so very much for your sweet words! It fills us with tickles and giggles to hear from people like you. We love erotica and work hard to create a classy but fun site (we must admit, we do spell it "cum" when it's a noun, but never when it's a verb). We hope you continue to enjoy all of the smart smut on O&C! Thanks again, luv. xoxo

  • Jordan LaRousse
    11/23/2010 8:48:52 PM

    Dear Piper- couldn't agree with Samantha more. Your email really made my day! It's really great to hear that you feel comfortable sharing our site with those who you are close to. Loves, JLR

  • Leopold
    12/28/2010 11:37:40 PM

    I'm a middle-aged male, married with children. I grew up in far more sexually inhibited times and many doubts about the submissive fantasies I've had since childhood. I assumed for the longest time that they were signs of defectiveness, but decades of therapy could not repair or eradicate them. Dating was never really fun. I later learned this was because I had to work so hard to pretend I was normal. Eventually I got married. We strove for an egalitarian relationship, including sexual. It never worked. I got so depressed that I finally told my wife we could no longer have a sexual relationship; separate beds, etc. I now have a lover I see once a week. My wife okay with this. My lover is female, kinky, and sexually dominant. Finally, my pieces fit together and I no longer have days of suicidal thoughts. I need a woman to be in charge sexually in order to be happy in a relationship. I think I always have (as in since I was five), so this is not something I made up or stumbled into as an adult.

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