Straight? Bi? Confused.
Sex Advice from Dr. Dick
Name: Shauna
Gender: Female
Age: 38
Location: Des Moines, IA
I work with this really terrific girl, who’s around 10 years younger
than I am. Lately, even though I am happily married, I find myself
awkwardly attracted to her. I am actually masturbating while fantasying
about her. Like I said, I am married to a great guy and I don’t want to
hurt him, but I have to get advice on this. I’m so confused.
Anytime there is a noticeable change in one’s eroticism, regardless
at what stage of life it happens, the shift can be a bit disconcerting.
Here you are, a mature, confirmed, died in the wool, card-carrying
straight married lady who has an unanticipated crush on a much younger
female coworker. That can’t be sitting very well in your buttoned down
world there in the heartland, huh?
I suppose you could view this as a major problem or you could accept
this as a gift. That’s right, a gift. This surprising event, even at
your seriously advanced age of 38, indicates to me that you’re still
growing. Personally, I think that’s wonderful. The fates have gifted
you with this sweet, young sexy female muse. You can either reject the
fates and deny yourself, or embrace this opportunity to explore the yet
uncharted areas of your sexuality.
Even if you never act on your same-sex sexual impulses, I think it’s
safe to say you are finally encountering your latent bisexuality.
Don’t be too surprised by that; most all of us are naturally bisexual in
one fashion or another. Unfortunately, our sex-negative society
discourages and disallows these very natural tendencies. So when they
pop up, as often they do, we are usually unprepared to acknowledge them,
let alone accept and welcome them. Will you cave to the pressures of
the popular culture, or buck the social trend? I’m in no position to
guess. All I know is that this relatively benign sexual adventure could
be an opportunity to expand your 
sexual options.
Like I said, there are several ways to proceed. You could deny
yourself the adventure and sublimate your desires. I don’t recommend
this, because it rarely works. Healthy, natural feelings like the ones
you’re having, if denied, can fester and embitter the one practicing the
self-denial. Another option is to go with the fantasy, enjoy it for
what it is worth. Keeping your bisexual proclivities fantasy material
allows you to remain safe and pretty much maintains the status quo.
Then there’s the option of pursuing your fantasy and making it a
reality. Obviously, this option carries the greatest potential for
disrupting your life.
If you choose the path of keeping your same-sex urges a fantasy, you
might want to pursue them far enough to see if you are attracted to
other women. You could do this through reading some hot same or
bi-themed erotica, or by checkin’ out some swell (authentic) Sapphic
porn. If you discover you are not interested in other women, but that
you only have a jones for your charming coworker of yours; it might mean
you are a situational bisexual. Regardless if you are a “real” bisexual
or a “situational” bisexual, imagine the fun you’ll have with your
little secret. My only caution would be to treat your coworker the way
you would treat any other coworker you might have a crush on — perhaps
the best thing to do is; do nothing. Workplace flings, of any stripe,
rarely turn out happily. And of course, you also have your marriage to
consider. Fantasies are fine as long as they don’t fuck up your happy
real-life relationships.
One other thing, don’t automatically assume your husband would be put
off by your newly awakened sexual tastes. That is if you ever get
around to telling him. It might actually be a big turn-on for him too.
Most straight guys get off on the idea of two women together. Some
husbands encourage their wives’ occasional bisexual encounters for this
very reason. Your husband may even be interested in a threesome with you
and another woman somewhere down the line.
In the end, this is an exciting time for you, Shauna. Is it
challenging? You betcha! But it’s also very rewarding.
Good luck!
Dr. Dick
Originally published May 2010