Name: Stanford
Gender: male
Age: 25
Location: Green Bay
I was wondering if you have any suggestions for a homemade dildo?
Do you actually want to craft a dildo yourself? Or is this more a
question about what might be readily available to safely bugger yourself
with?
If you want to make one yourself, there are several
“Make-your-own-dildo” kits out there. You can find them online. They
supply you with everything you need to make a latex dildo cast of your
own dong. And from that the dildo is made. How fun! But wait, what if
you are princess tiny-meat? Cloning your you own willie will satisfy
no one, no how. Unless you know someone with a more ample endowment
that will lend you his hog for the mold, this is probably not the way
for you to go.
A trip to the supermarket might be your next best bet. People have
been stuffing fruits and vegetables in every possible orifice for as
long as there have been fruits and vegetables…and orifices to stuff.
Bananas, zucchini, corn cobs, cucumbers, and well the list goes on and
on. One word of caution, make sure that whatever your poppin’ in your
pooper is long enough that you can keep hold of it while you are workin’
your magic. You definitely don’t want it to let whatever slip past
your sphincter and lodge itself inside your rectum. There’s nothing
more embarrassing than a trip to the emergency room to have someone fish
whatever you got in there out of you bum.
If you’re the least bit competent
as a woodworker you could fashion something pleasurable from a hardwood,
like maple or oak. The do-it-yourself craftsman will be able to make
the exact size he needs and wants. He’ll take pride in sanding, buffing
and curing his creation with olive oil before use.
No woodturning tools? Not to worry. A trip to the local Homo Depot
may be the answer. Look for wooden dowels. They come in many widths
and lengths. Since doweling is often made of a softer wood, the dildo
craftsman will be able to round off the top of the dowel using a rasp
with relative ease. But because the wood is soft, he’ll have to seal
his creation in a smooth varathane or polyurethane finish. Never, ever
insert uncured or unfinished wood. Besides the danger of splinters,
untreated wood is very porous and you’ll never get the damned thing
clean after the first use.
Another word of caution; some people are allergic to various
materials or polishes. So test all materials first.
Here’s a dildo-making project just about anyone can do. Make your
own beanie baby dildo. You will need several latex condoms, water based
lube and whole dried beans or peas. Take a condom fill it with the
dried beans and/or peas and tie off the end. Coat the condom with lube
and slip it into another condom and tie that one off too. If you want
to be super-safe, add a third condom. The beauty part of using dried
peas or beans is that, should the condoms break while you’re pleasuring
yourself and you lose some of the contents in your love cave, you’ll be
able to eliminate them with ease with your next bowel movement. And
there’s nothing toxic in dried beans!
But what if you want something more stiff? Building a dildo out of
modeling clay might be the answer. You can find this material at your
local crafts store. You can be very creative with the shape and size.
You’ll also be able to flare the end of the thing so there won’t be a
worry of it getting past your sphincter. Before the clay dries,
consider pressing dried beans into the shaft for some added texture.
Once your new phallus is completely dry you can finish it with a
polyurethane seal. However, I encourage you to use a condom over your
newly created cock substitute. Even with a sealed dildo like this one.
Good luck!
Dr. Dick
Originally published April 2010