Sex Essay
"Your Clit" by Al Harrington
There have been any number of times that I’ve said, here on O&C, that women are strange creatures. One more manifestation of that strangeness is your clitoris. Men, generally, don’t understand that organ other than knowing that if we spend some time playing with it we’re probably going to get laid. We have also heard that it is the female counterpart to our penis, which makes no sense at all because it doesn’t pee and it doesn’t ejaculate; so we have to wonder just why the hell do you have it?
Beautiful Pear by Paul John Ballard
Okay, humor out of the way, and ignoring emotional, psychological, and G-spot orgasms, there are actually a few men out there that understand the dynamics of the female climax and the part the clitoris plays in it. When you have sex the man’s penis, moving in and out of your vagina, pulls on the inner lips (labia minora), causing them to rub against and stimulate the clitoris. That stimulation is primarily responsible for your climax.
When I was researching my article on masturbation six of the women said they preferred using their hand while ten used dildos or vibrators. Two of them, Kaitlan and Ailene, summed up the reasons for their choices.
“Oh, I use a vibrator,” Kaitlan said. “You can’t beat that feeling.”
“Oh, bullshit,” Ailene piped up. “If you really knew yourself, you’d use your fingers. That’s the only way you can really please yourself.”
Kaitlan came back with, “Except my fingers aren’t long enough.”
“Oh, so you just want the penetration.”
“Hello, isn’t that the whole point? We’re supposed to be pretending that we’re fucking, if you don’t have something going in and out of you, how can you pretend?”
For Kaitlan the object was to have something moving in and out of her and Ailene preferred the stimulation of her clitoris.
I was particularly fortunate when I was about twenty-four because I had a lover who was more experienced and took the time to train me in what she wanted me to do. She showed me how to use my palm to stimulate her clit while using my fingers to slide in and out of her hole. When I went down on her she had me use my tongue to directly flick her clit and, occasionally, put my mouth over her entire mound and suck hard to bring the blood to the area, thus increasing the sensitivity of her clit.
One woman wanted me to wet my fingers and play with her clit directly; rubbing and even pinching it lightly. Another wanted me to run my fingers around between the outer and inner lips, avoiding direct contact with her clit.
In my boobs article I mentioned that one woman had once asked me to stop playing with them because the feeling was too intense. In a similar situation I once had a woman ask me to stop playing with her pussy for the same reason. Hmm, isn’t intense feeling what you’re after? Nope, still don’t understand women.
Here’s another case of whether porn actually mirrors real life. I’ve noticed that most porn movies have the actress rubbing, stroking, and even slapping her clit while her partner is fucking her. Looking back, I can never remember a single time when a woman did that in real life. I’ve played with my partner’s clit occasionally while we were screwing, but I’ve never had a partner that did it herself.
One common thing I’ve found is that, when directly stimulating a clit, it helps if I use some lubrication. Whether it’s just saliva or some commercial personal lubricant, it always seems to make the experience more enjoyable for my partner.
I always try and get you to admit your most personal things and I’m going to do that here. When masturbating, do you spend more time on your clit or your vagina? When a man is orally pleasuring you, do you want him to suck on your clit? Do you ever feel that a man has spent too much time playing with your clit? When you’re having sex with a man, do you manually stimulate your clit in some way?
Originally published December 2009