Sex advice by Dr. Dick
A widower wants to play but is worried about performance issues
Name: Walter
Gender: Male
Age: 67
Location: Padre Island
I’m a recent widower, I haven’t dated in over 40 years. I’m still very
interested in sex, but things don’t work like they used to down there.
I had a comfortable life with my wife and performance was never an
issue. Now that I’m on my own now, I’m afraid I will disappoint, if you
know what I mean.
Yeah, I think I do know what you mean. Getting back into the swing
of things after so many years on the shelf a daunting task. If you
layer on sexual performance issues…well the task becomes even harder,
no pun intended.
I
know I don’t have to tell you this, but our bodies change as we age.
Our sexual response cycle changes too. You are familiar with the four
stages of the sexual response cycle, right? In case you are not, they
are — arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution. Despite the changes
that aging brings, there’s no good reason why you shouldn’t be able to
enjoy a happy, healthy sex life. Of course, having a healthy mind-set
about sex will also help.
A rich and full sex life, possibly even like the one you shared with
your recently departed wife, will involve some patience and
understanding and possibly some reprogramming of old ways of looking at
sex. For example, performance issues are only a problem if you are
expecting something of your body that it cannot deliver. And if you
date within your age group, you’ll find that all your peers will be
just as familiar as you with dwindling physical capacities.
So ok, it’s gonna take considerably longer to get a hardon at your
age — that’s a given. This just means you need to take your time,
increase and focus the stimulation and while your cock is taking its
sweet time to point skyward, enjoy all the sensual pleasures coming
your way in the meantime. That last part is really difficult for us
aging men folk. Sometimes we concentrate so fiercely on gettin our
dick hard that we miss all the great pleasuring stuff that is happening
all around us.
Once you get your boner goin, I suggest that you add a little stiffy
insurance. Wear a cockring. If you don’t know what that is, check out
my Sex Toy Review Site. Use the search function; type in “cockring” and presto! You’ll find all kinds of information on these helpful little buggers.
I know a number of older men, particularly those with high blood
pressure, who are unable to take erection-enhancing meds like Viagra,
who are turning to penis pumps to get their wood started. Not sure
what a penis pump is or does. Well, time to do more online research at
my Sex Toy Review Site. Again, use the search function; type in “penis pump” and presto! Loads of information about these helpful tools will appear.
I’m hoping that when you say that you and your wife “had a
comfortable life” together, where performance was never an issue that
you’re telling me that your sex life wasn’t all about getting it up and
getting it off. Sexual pleasure can come through all kinds of sex play
— touching, talking, and being physically close, oral sex as well as
full on fucking. I’d be willing to guess that your future partners
will appreciate you being a fully sensual lover, not just a sexual
performer.
Remember the proverbial cum shot is not the same thing as an orgasm.
Lots of seasoned older men are able to be orgasmic without a full
erection or an ejaculation. You may even find that you are capable of
several very satisfying mini orgasms instead of the one BIG-O of years
past. I encourage you not to fall into the trap of equating sexual
functioning with manliness; that’s a dead end.
This
challenging new phase in your life, daunting as it might be, can also
be an exciting adventure of self-discovery. You basically have
permission to re-imagine and redefine what type of sexual expression
suits you best at this stage in your life. One good way of testing the
waters, so to speak is to start with self-pleasuring. This is the
perfect opportunity to experiment with sexual performance enhancing
toys like a cockring, vibrator or a penis pump. If you haven’t done so
already, why not discover the pleasures of your ass. Happily, you
don’t need an erection to enjoy some good old-fashioned butt play; your
prostate will do all the work.
You may discover you have new or yet unexplored interests in other
sexual expressions like role-playing, kink, or maybe even same-sex
partners. Just because your earlier life may have been pretty straight
and vanilla, doesn’t mean it has to stay that way. The more you know
about your body and what turns you on, the more information you’ll be
able to share with your partners.
Unabashedly sharing your newfound sexual experiences and interests
with others will be the basis for your future partnered sexual
expression. Know that other women and men of your age group are also
rediscovering and reawakening their sexuality. What a great joy it
would be to explore the territory together.
I invite you to rekindle your natural curiosity about the wide range
of human sexual expression. Take it slow. Learn to communicate
effectively: share what makes you feel good with your partners and be
sure to ask them what turns them on. Don’t take yourself too
seriously, and keep it playful. And most of all, keep an open mind
about all of this, will ya?
Good luck ya’ll
Originally published August 2009