“Fantasy is the engine of desire.”
So says Ian Kerner, Ph.D. in his book Passionista: The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man.
The line literally brought us to a halt in our reading. What a beautiful and powerful sentiment, and one under which we work each and every day.
Unfortunately, according to Kerner, studies show that many individuals see their sexual fantasies in a negative light, and because of this, many people repress them to varying degrees. It’s not difficult to understand why – we are all afraid that others would judge us as perverted if we ever let the proverbial sexual beans spill.
But in truth, fantasy is what keeps us interested in sex: the fantasy involved with obtaining a new lover, that fantasy we use when we enjoy our solo time, the fantasy we indulge in when we have sex with a long-time partner. It’s also a very powerful tool that we can share with one another. By sharing our fantasies, we can connect at a more intimate, and more sexually exciting level.
Kerner’s overall point: that fantasy is what makes every sex act absolutely unique. “Fantasy is what differentiates us from one another erotically; fantasy confers on us our sexual individuality; fantasy is our sexual fingerprint.”
Of course, in publishing erotica, we attempt to connect to our readers’ fantasy lives. But more importantly, we are trying to connect readers to their own fantasy lives. We are trying to connect our readers to that which makes them unique, both as individuals, and as lovers.
So this February, celebrate Valentine’s Day with an element of fantasy and embrace your sexual fingerprint! As a gift to yourself, explore a fresh fantasy (whether in your imagination, or in real life). As a gift to your partner or lover, share a hidden fantasy with him or her. Whether you only talk about it, or you actually carry it out, it will add some spice to your romantic holiday. And of course, if you’re in need of some new fantasy material, read some erotica!
Xoxo
Jordan and Samantha
Originally published February 2009