Dear Jordan,
I’m a 28-year-old woman and have been married for 2 years. I lead a healthy and normal sex life with my husband. The only thing that is unusual is that I’ve never masturbated, EVER!
I kind want to try, but I’m just not sure how/where to start. Do you have any suggestions?
Thanks,
Masturbation Virgin
Dear MV,
I find it interesting that you didn’t begin to discover your sexual self upon the onset of puberty as many women do. The good news though is it’s not too late to start playing with yourself!
There are so many ways to get started. However I would suggest that you begin, like most women, using just your fingers. You may want to read some erotica to get you in the mood. When you start to get that turned-on feeling, that you no doubt get when you are intimate with your husband, start by rubbing your clit with your fingers. Iin the unlikely even that you don’t know where your clitoris is, it is that little knob right above your urethra at the very topmost part of your vagina. Find out which stroke (circular, back and forth etc) makes you squirm and continue to repeat the stroke, possibly increasing speed, as you near orgasm. You may also find that inserting one or more fingers of your other hand into your pussy will help to bring you off.
I suggest a manual initiation into the masturbation experience as this is the most intimate you can get with your own body; you will learn where your sweet spots are and learn exactly what it takes to bring yourself to orgasm.
Once you’ve gone the manual route I would suggest purchasing your first vibrator (assuming you don’t already use one with your husband). You can easily purchase one online, if you are a bit afraid of the idea of walking into a sex shop. A lot of women say that
vibrating bullets
are all they need for a satisfying masturbation session (and I agree that they are very effective). And for the masturbation novice, they really aren’t intimidating as they are small and uncomplicated. You’ll find that placing the vibrating bullet directly to your clitoris, or a little off to the side –wherever feels most pleasurable to you—will take you on the fast track to orgasm. Again inserting a finger or even a
small vibrating dildo
inside your vagina can increase the pleasure of this experience.
You may find that you really enjoy masturbating and it will greatly enhance your sex life. Or you may find that you can live another 28 years without it. However I believe in the powers of masturbation and hope that you will take the time to get to know your sexual self a little bit or a lot better!
Have fun!
Jordan
P.S. before writing this article we canvassed our readers to find out about their masturbation habits,
read their responses
as you may find their comments useful.
Originally published September 2008