Dear Dr. Dick,
I’m 25, 5-foot-7 and weigh 105 pounds. I take care of my body by eating
right and exercising regularly. My problem is that I hate the way I
look. I am actually repulsed by my body. I take very brief showers and
avoid the mirror as much as possible. I’m not a prude. Others being
nude is fine with me. But my body image issues are hindering my sexual
encounters. I always want to wear a shirt or have the lights off.
My current boyfriend says that if I trust him enough to sleep with
him I should trust him enough to let him see me naked. He also has told
me that we can’t continue seeing each other if this doesn’t improve.
But I let him see every part of my nude body — just not all at once. So
he knows I’m not hiding some monstrous deformity or anything. I guess I
thought my boyfriend would be more sensitive to my fear and let me stay
covered up. Do I owe him nudity?
Joanne, 25, Toronto
Dear Joanne,
Hold on there, girlfriend, you think your BF is being insensitive
because he wants to enjoy your body in the buff…with the lights on? You
think that he’s sticking around just to needle you about your phobia?
Honey, get over yourself!
Do you honestly think that your body-positive BF oughta facilitate and participate
in your pathology? Yeah, like why don’t we all just sink to the lowest common denominator? And here’s a tip, doll: you do have a monstrous deformity. Perhaps it’s not a physical deformity, but it sure enough is a psychological one.
I concur with your boyfriend; your relationship is on the line here.
You need to get a handle on your hang-ups, darlin’, or you can just say
good-bye to whatever sex and intimacy you may currently be enjoying.
Listen, I have a thing about sex and intimacy being a gift one gives
another. So I ask you, how can you give yourself as a gift to anyone if
you are disgusted with the gift you’re giving? And you’ll never
convince me that your body issues aren’t seeping into and sabotaging
the sex you may be having with your long-suffering BF. I’ll betcha you
don’t let him get too close to the body parts you begrudgingly expose
to him…when the lights are out.
Joanne, like I suggest above, being repulsed by your own body is a
sign of a deep psychological problem. I’d suggest you get to the bottom
of this with a sex-positive therapist right away.
When I encounter this sort of thing in my practice, inevitably my
client and I discover a past body related trauma to be at root of his
or her current disgust. Left untreated, this aversion could easily
morph into a desire to do yourself harm. It’s a common enough
phenomenon; so don’t let that happen.
And to your closing question about do you “owe” him nudity; what the
fuck is that? Is your sexuality and the intimacy you share with your BF
something to be bid and bargained for, like beads in a bazaar? Sex and
intimacy is either a gift freely given or it’s coerced.
If you’re feeling coerced about being naked with the man who loves you, you’d better set him free and get thee to a nunnery.