Dear Jordan,
About a year ago I went through a divorce with my husband of
17 years (he was having an affair). I’m a 45 year-old woman with two kids in
high-school. I got married
pretty young and had kids pretty young. I’ve always been really responsible, am a member of the PTAC at the kids’
school, go to church, and I work as a case worker for troubled juveniles. The
problem is that recently I’ve noticed, for the past four months or so, I’ve been
very sexual. I have an ongoing secretive, sex-relationship with one of the
kid’s soccer coaches (he is single), I had sex with this guy who I met at a
grocery store randomly, I’ve been chatting dirty talk with strangers online,
I’m watching porn movies, I’m on your site every day…the list of my dirty
deeds goes on and on and on.
Honestly I’m worried I might go to hell. I’m guessing you aren’t religious. But
do you think my behavior is outrageous? Am I being completely irresponsible as
a mother and a woman?
Feeling Guilty
Dear Guilty,
You, my dear, are guilty of nothing but expressing your
healthy, God-given sexuality. The fact
that you were in a marriage with a man who was ultimately having an affair
leads me to believe that you probably weren’t getting the sexual attention that
you deserved. You’ve got some catching
up to do!
Let’s break this down:
“I have an ongoing secretive, sex-relationship with one of
the kid’s soccer coaches”-- Well, lucky you! It’s always great to have a
fuck-buddy to turn to in your time of single, horny need. It’s a good choice to keep it a secret as
well. Your kids probably wouldn’t feel too comfortable with the idea of mom and
the soccer coach getting it on. As long
as you can keep the relationship under wraps and enjoy the sex, I say go for
it!
“I had sex with this guy who I met at a grocery store
randomly” -- No problem here, having sex with a stranger can be very
exciting. God knows I’ve enjoyed my fair
share of these encounters. The important thing here is to ALWAYS practice safer
sex (i.e. use a condom EVERY time). Also
be sure to follow your intuition. Don’t bed anyone who you feel could be a
danger to you in any way.
“I’ve been chatting dirty talk with strangers online” -- Well,
that’s the safest sex available! Dirty
chat is a great way to enhance your masturbation sessions. Just be sure not to share your personal
information (full name, address, etc.) with any of these online, sex-chat-only
types. Also, never send a nude photograph of you that shows any identifying
features (your face, for example), as this can come back to bite you later (oh,
say, if it were posted somewhere online). You need to fully understand that you
don’t really know who these people are. They could be anyone. If you understand that, and don’t mind it so
long as the chattin’ is getting you off, then you should be okay to type (and
vibe) away.
“I’m watching porn movies” -- Hooray for you! There’s no harm here!
“I’m on your site every night" -- Well, we are truly flattered.
Thank you so much for keeping us in your sexual rotation, and we hope that you
continue to come (pun intended) again and again.
“Honestly, I’m worried I might go to Hell. I’m guessing you
aren’t religious.” -- Nope, I’m not religious, but I am spiritual and am quite
confident that God does not consider a healthy sexual appetite to be a
sin. I’m not going to send you a “get
out of hell free” certificate as we are discussing your own personal belief system, but I
will say that what you are doing is of no harm to others, and of no harm to
yourself as long as you are safe and responsible about your actions. If I did believe in Hell, I’d think they’d be
more interested in collecting the souls of murderers, rapists, and thieves than
some sweet, kind, and caring woman who has newly recovered her sexual self and
is happily exploring her desires.
“Am I being completely irresponsible as a mother and a
woman?” -- As long as you are providing for your children and giving them all the
love they could need, you are not an irresponsible mother. And as far as being
a woman is concerned, good job for becoming a responsible keeper of your
own sexuality.
Have fun!
Jordan
Can I help you with your sex-related question? Contact me now!
Originally published July, 2008