Dear Jordan,
My man loves me to give him head, but a lot of the time his
balls stink like cheese, and not American either, I’m talking stinky French
cheese. I usually give him a couple of
licks, but then I have to come up for air. I’ve never been able to make him come so I’m sure he thinks I hate giving
head. It’s not that! I actually love
sucking cock, I just don’t know how to tell him the problem is his stank. I’m
afraid he’ll get hurt.
Ew Fromage!
Dear Fromage,
There is no way you are going to be able to surmount this
hurdle in your sex life without fessing up to what’s inhibiting your oral
play. You don’t have to tell your man
that he stinks like French cheese, but you do need to ask your man to wash up. The best way would be to get on your knees
holding his erect cock in your hand, look up at him, batting your eyelashes,
and say, “Can you please wash off so that I can enjoy my cock?” Another method is the tried and true shower
power. Taking his cock in hand, gently
lead him to the shower and enjoy a nice sudsy soapy clean-up session
together. Once he’s spick and span you
can go to town on his meat, hold the cheese. But beware, if the shower doesn’t fix the problem, you should insist
that your man head to the docs to get checked for a variety of stink-inducing
STI’s.
Good luck!
Jordan
Dear Jordan,
I recently celebrated my 50th birthday and I’m
surprised to find myself hornier than I was when in my twenties. This is all fine and good, but I’m a recent
widow and I haven’t got many opportunities for sex these days. I’m not a bad
looking woman, but I don’t see how I can compete with all those single younger
women. How can I get back out there on
the scene and find me a nice, hot cock?
Half a Century but Holy Horny!
Dear Half,
Don’t despair, just because you’re in your fifties doesn’t mean
that you won’t be able to find a horny stud-muffin (or two, or three) to
satisfy your desires. I’m going to go
with the assumption that you aren’t looking for love, but that you just want to
get laid. Luckily for you, getting sex is
much easier than finding a relationship! You can locate ready and willing men pretty much anywhere. All you have to do is doll yourself up, feel
sexy and confident, and head to your local blues club, or a salsa class, or a
swingers club if you really want to get crazy. And of course there is a
cornucopia of websites dedicated to casual encounters (but be careful if you
haven’t done the online dating thing, always get three or more pics of the men
you talk to, webcam is even better). I am friends with plenty of women over 50 who
are getting it on just fine. As long as
you are taking care of your mind and body, you are bound to be attractive to any
number of the opposite sex. Who knows? Maybe next week you’ll drive some young
twenty-something wild with your sexual expertise.
Good luck!
Jordan