During a conversation with another woman, she mentioned that she had been having a really great time with a man and he had been pulling all the way out and pushing all the way back in and, one time, missed and it went into the wrong place and hurt her.

During the phone sex interviews one of the women mentioned that she had phone sex with a guy and he, once, made the comment about wanting to, “...ram my cock up your ass.”

Have you figured out where I’m going with this?  What finally got me started on this topic was Camille. After we finished an earlier interview she and I were talking about nothing in particular when, from nowhere, she asked, “Al, why do men always want in my back door?”

Personally, I couldn’t answer that. I’ve done it, it’s not my favorite, but if a woman wants to do it, I’ll oblige her. I like to think that I’m good enough that, even if she doesn’t enjoy it, I won’t hurt her. Realistically, Camille wanted me to run right out and talk to all the men about their deep desire to “go in the back door.” However, I decided to talk to my women friends about it.

I created one of my fabulous informal surveys for 15 women. Of the 15 responses, ten women had done it and were evenly split with five saying they had tried it just once and five enjoy it regularly.

I asked Camille, 36: “How often do men ask (to have anal sex)?”

“Always. Sometimes they’ll even ask during our first time together.”

“By together, I’m guessing you mean the first time you have sex.”

“Yes.”

“So, do you let them?”

“Uh, not usually on the first time. Maybe the third or fourth time we’re together.”

“Protection?”

“Usually. I think I let three guys do it without a condom, but I usually want them covered up.”

Amy, 41, had an unique outlook. “For years I used that as birth control. When I was with a guy and didn’t want to wear any protection, I’d let him start in the front, but made him finish back there. Then, after I got married, any time I was on my period and my man wanted some, I’d let him do me there. I’ve always enjoyed the feeling of having a man in there.”

My two youngsters had different outlooks. Jennie, 19, hasn’t done it, but admitted that she probably would some time. “Sometimes when I’m taking care of myself I’ll slip my finger or vibrator in there. I kinda like the feeling, so someday I’m pretty sure I’ll let a guy in there.”

Jenna, 21, on the other hand, had not tried it and has no plans to ever do it. Remembering what Jennie had said I asked her, “When we were talking about masturbation you said you use a vibrator every three or four days; when you masturbate, do you ever slip it in the back door?”

“I have a few times.”

“Like it?”

“Well, it’s all right, but somehow I just don’t think I want a man in there. When I’m taking care of myself I’m totally in control, if a guy was doing it I wouldn’t be able to control what he was doing.” She paused a moment and then added, “Nope, I don’t think I’ll ever try it.”

Ailene, 30, and Diane, 52, have each tried it once. They both said it was just “so-so.” The difference was Diane wanted to try it again and Ailene didn’t. Diane said, “When I first tried it I was between marriages and after I got married I asked my new husband a couple of times and he refused. He wouldn’t even talk about it.” I asked her if I could talk to her husband about it and she called him, but he wouldn’t talk to me about something so personal.

Lonnie has done it three times, each time without protection. She said she never enjoyed it, and would never offer it. As for how long she would have to be involved with a partner to do it she said, “I think at least six months.” When I asked the other questions she summed them up by saying, “I didn’t like it after I did it the first time, but it was somewhat forced on me. The next time I said okay. The next stopped in the middle of it. He didn’t like it!”

[Yes, I know, as an interviewer, I suck. When I finally got around to typing this I realized I should have followed up on the forced thing and also why the third guy stopped in the middle. Also, I didn’t ask her if all three times were with the same man or different partners. There are some personal things involved that preclude my getting back in touch with her to clarify these points and I apologize for being an idiot.]

Carrie, 36, said that she and her husband had tried it once. “It was right after we got married and he kept bugging me about it so I gave in and let him. About three weeks later he asked about the back door again and I told him that I didn’t like it and if he ever asked me again he wouldn’t even get in the front door. That was twelve years ago and he hasn’t asked since then.”

When I asked Kaitlan, 39, she said no and when I asked why she said, “Years ago one of my first lovers tried and it hurt too much.”

“So then you have done it once?” I asked.

“Not really, the guy got maybe an inch in, was in there only about ten seconds, and I made him take it out. I’ve remembered that every time a guy asks about it.”

“How often do guys ask?”

“Any time I’m with a guy for any length of time the subject almost always comes up.”

Christie, 29, said, “Oh, hell yes. I love it.”

“Protection?” I asked.

“Oh, definitely. There’s no way I’ll let a man in me anywhere without a rubber.” She chuckled a bit and then added, “Except my mouth. Then I don’t want anything between me and that delicious juice.”

Cathy, 45, was easy to interview. Cathy is my current girlfriend and she and I both enjoy sex. We laugh a lot while we’re doing it and generally do it for fun. When I started this article I told her what I was writing about and asked if she ever did it. She looked back over her shoulder at me and then said, “Al, look down and take note of what you’re doing right now.”

Naturally I looked down even though I knew exactly what I was doing. After a couple of seconds she asked, “Okay, so, do you think I do anal sex?”

I moved around a little bit and then said, “Yeah, I guess you do. Do you enjoy it?”

“Sweetie, if I didn’t enjoy it you wouldn’t be in there. We’ve done it what, seven or eight times in the past year? What do you think?”

So, for her the answer is yes she does, she does it regularly, and she enjoys it.

Kim, 28, is one of my married friends and said, “I never did it until I was married. My husband and I tried it once and it was okay. It didn’t hurt, but it wasn’t all that exciting. If he wants to try it again I’ll probably let him.”

Kim is a tiny Korean girl so I asked her, “Is this one of those Oriental things where you give in to his desires, whatever they are?”

She just laughed and said, “Why don’t you ask Frank about that?”

I did and he said, “You’re kidding, right? That little girl rules the bedroom. I do whatever she says.”

Frankie, 25, was another that was easy to interview. She is an ex-girlfriend and I know for a fact that she doesn’t do it, never tried it, and has no plans on doing it in the future. While we were together she had once asked me why I hadn’t asked for it and I said something like, “Why, you like doing that?”

“No,” she answered, “I’ve heard too many horror stories about how much it hurts. There’s no way I’ll ever let a man in there.” Preparing this article I called her and just told her what I was writing about and asked if she had tried it yet. “Nope,” she said, “still have no desire for that sick stuff.”

Then there’s my little Bible thumper. Geri, 30, was married young and divorced just four years later when her husband cheated on her. Just two years ago she was reborn and she married another reborn Christian. What surprised me was, after Frankie’s remark about anal sex being sick, Geri had no problem with it. “Oh, yes, my husband and I enjoy that at least once a month.”

“Is this a birth control thing?” I asked.

“Oh, no, we just enjoy it.”

“Uh, what about Sodom, as mentioned in Genesis?”

“Silly, that had to do with men doing it, not a husband and wife.”

Okay, I’m not the best one to argue Bible quotes so I left that one alone.

Winnie, 27, just said, “I heard a good joke on the Internet and I use it whenever a man asks about it. ‘That is a one way door meant for things to come out, not go in.’”

Because Camille had asked why men wanted it I finally got around to talking to the four men left in my survey group as well as Brad from my cheating article.

Ralph, 27, has always been willing to fill out my questionnaires, but has never been willing to talk to me about any of his responses. He answered that he regularly did it and enjoyed it. On this topic he was actually willing to answer a few questions. “When you’re with a woman do you ask about the back door?”

“Sure.”

“Why do you want to get into a woman’s back door?”

“Uh, it feels good.”

“No other reason? Like she’s never done it and you want to be the first. Kinda like getting a cherry?”

He had to think about that for a while before answering, “No, I don’t think so. I don’t think I’ve ever been the first to do a girl like that.” Another long pause and then, “Yeah, it’d be kinda cool knowing I was the first one to do it.”

“But you haven’t thought about that?”

“Not really.”

“How about the thought of just being controlling? A woman doesn’t want to do something and you’re able to get her to do it… that sort of thing.”

Long pause and then, “No, I don’t think I’ve ever thought about that.”

George, 63, said, “It’s not my favorite. I never ask for it, I just accept that if we’re in a relationship we’ll get around to doing it sometime.” A pause and then, “If she wants to. My wife and I were married eight years before she offered it and we did it. Since then we’ve done it – oh, I don’t know, fifty or so times.”

Bob, 56, said, “Nah, did it once when I was young, didn’t like it. When my wife and I got together she asked me if I was going to ask for it. I told her I wasn’t really interested in that and we’ve never done it.”

Kenny, 57, parroted George, “It’s not my favorite. If a woman wants to do it, I’ll do it.” He paused and then added, “I meant when I was single. With my wife we’ve done it, oh, I don’t know, maybe ten times over the past ten years. She always has to ask, I won’t ask her.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know, it just seems to be too invasive. I know I don’t want to have anything stuck in there and I just ...” Really long pause and then, “You know, maybe I should initiate it. We’re pretty open about sex and we trade off being the one to start things. Hmm, you’re right, I really need to ask her. Yeah, I have to ask for that.” He got up, started out the door, then stopped and said, “Thanks, Al, I’ll let you know tomorrow how it went.” (No, he never did get back to me on that.)

Then I went back to Brad and Tracey, this time separately. Tracy said, “I never had a man in there until I started doing the movies.”

“Do you like it?”

“Like I said when we were talking earlier, I really hate the back door thing. I pretend to like whatever’s happening, but I really don’t enjoy it.”

“So, why don’t you let Brad do it?”

“Like I said, I don’t like it.”

“But, what if it’s with someone you love? Don’t you think he’d try to make sure you enjoy yourself?”

“Al, I sometimes have two guys with the biggest dicks you’ve ever seen both in there at the same time. I sure as hell don’t want to do it if I don’t have to.”

When I got back to Brad and asked him about it, he was still sore about Tracey not letting him do it, but admitted that he had done it a few times when he was younger. “With the same girl?” I asked.

“Uh, no, three different ones.”

“Protection?”

“One with and two without.”

“So, you’ve already been in women’s back doors, why this hang-up with Tracey?”

“I don’t know, man, it’s just, you know, like she lets other guys do her like that, but won’t let me.”

“No,” I said, “She doesn’t let them. She goes to work and the director says, ‘We’re doing anal today,’ and she says, ‘Okay.’ That’s part of her job. Do you somehow feel you’re not in control?”

“Not really. Well, yeah, maybe a little.” Then he looked up at me, grinned, and said, “But she takes care of me every other way.”

It was really interesting to note that the older men didn’t seem to care one way or the other and the younger men wanted it. Ralph had no idea why he wanted it and Brad wanted it with Tracey just because he couldn’t have it.

(Tracey had mentioned one other thing that I feel is necessary to repeat. “Nope, anytime they want the ATM stuff, I say no. Once a guy is in the back door, protection or not, he’s not going into any other place.” Her comment of ATM referred to “Ass-to-mouth” a typical porn situation where a man is involved with a woman’s back door and then immediately changes over and puts it into her mouth to finish.)

For any readers who have followed my other articles, you know I adapt a light-hearted approach and try to make things fun. This one topic is serious enough that I’m going to abandon my previous position and discuss this – seriously. Ladies and gentlemen, there is no easy way to put this. As Winnie said, “that is meant for things to come out.” What comes out is not what you want going back in anywhere else. I was once with a woman who asked me to do it and, when we were done, I noticed brown residue on the sheets and on me. Porn movies are not real life. If you’re going to do this, be aware that there is a definite possibility of infection. Men, if you’re in the back door and then change to the front door, you could very well be introducing some foreign matter that could cause your partner a great deal of harm.

Ladies, if you want a man to go in the back door, just be aware that there may be health matters you need to consider.

Men, I know it takes more to get through to you so let me reword that warning above. If you’re going to stick your dick into a girl’s ass, you might get some shit on it. If you then put it into her pussy, you might make her really sick.

An interesting note on language: I changed the interview verbiage here so that it only read “back door” throughout, hoping the reader would realize what I’m talking about. The strange thing in the interviews was that the men all used the words “anal sex” or “back door” when we talked about it. And most of the women came right out and used “ass,” “asshole,” or “butt.”

Originally published January 2008