Dear Jordan,
I've been through about 6 or 7 different girls. NO HARD ON. Just limp. It comes out of the girl's mouth limp after 20 minutes. I'm going nuts. Viagra, helps, but it goes back down. Why? It's not a mental thing; everything heats up, but still nothing. Anyway, my girl of two months says it's still awesome sex. She still gets off. Is it true: can you still be great at sex w/ a limp dick? Help me!
~21 And Limp
Dear 21,
Where to begin? This is quite a problematic question. You definitely shouldn't be suffering from erectile dysfunction, especially at the horny young age of 21.
- You've "been through about 6 or 7 girls." I'm not one to judge, usually, but let me offer a little judgment here. This doesn't seem to be a very respectful statement. "Been through" implies that these girls are simply objects to you and you don't have a proper respect for them or for the sex act. You may want to look into this. Often times the best sex, the sex that really keeps you hard, comes from an emotional attachment to (or at least respect for) the one you're with. My boyfriend has confided in me that he can't "get it up" when he's not feeling connected to the one he's with, whereas he has a constant raging hard-on for me. So a lack of proper respect and emotional connection may be your problem.
- "It comes out of the girl's mouth limp after 20 minutes": not every man can maintain an erection or ejaculate via blow-jobs. The girl really has to know what she's doing and you have to be into it. This makes me wonder if your troubles are related to oral sex, but I'm assuming that the problem translates to coitus as well
- "My girl of 2 months says it's still awesome sex. She still gets off": this can be true if she is receiving excellent foreplay from you. Many girls only orgasm via cunnilingus (oral sex) and fingering. So if you're giving her plenty of this, the sex may still be great for her. However if all you are doing is working your limp-dick into her I don't see how this could possibly be great sex, and sadly she may just be sparing your feelings and ego.
My additional suggestions are as follows:
- Visit your doctor and tell him about your problem. He may be able to determine if there is a physiological factor inhibiting your erection and offer treatment.
- Consider whether this is an emotional issue. Do you need to dig deep and discover your erotic self? Do you have issues with women that need to be resolved? Our brain is our biggest sexual organ, and there may be something going on in your head that is getting in the way of your dick's functioning. A little respect for women and sex is definitely in order here. Perhaps a psychologist can get you through this.
- You may want to read last month's article on performance anxiety to find ways to relax and enjoy the sex instead of worrying about "getting it up".
- In the meantime definitely treat your girl to lots of pussy licking and finger fucking. I might also suggest buying a sex toy or two to take over when/if things go a little soft on you.
Good luck!
Jordan
Additional Resources
Coping With Erectile Dysfunction
Scientifically Guaranteed Male Multiple Orgasms
Originally published September 2007 - "Saucy September"