In my article on cheating (see "You Did What with Whom???"), I related a recent experience. I'm repeating it here as an intro into this topic:
One afternoon I was going over the phone bill and saw eight or ten calls to a number I didn't recognize. Some of them were forty-five minutes long. "What's this number?" I asked my girlfriend, Cathy.
"Oh, that's George," she responded.
"Who's George?"
"Oh, you don't know him. He's a guy I have phone sex with."
I had to think about that one. I knew she wasn't a virgin. She had a five-year-old daughter and was living with another man, Sam, when I started dating her. She had been living with him when I met her and we started having sex whenever Sam was at work. Then I remembered that she would occasionally wait for him to go to sleep and then go out onto their patio and call me and we'd talk sex for a long time. She was living with him while having both phone and physical sex with me. Maybe that should have told me something about her mind set. If I had thought about it I would have admitted she was cheating on Sam, but I was just happy to be getting laid. Now that we were together, I wondered why I was shocked because she was having phone sex with another man.
One night a couple weeks later we were at the apartment of some friends. We were sitting in the living room and Amy had her phone on the coffee table. Stan suggested we do the old, "Is your refrigerator running?" joke and we did. We each called a number at random and pulled some old gag. I don't know what got into him but Stan said, "Okay, you two girls see which of you can keep a man on the line longer." Amy made a call and made inane conversation, "What are you doing?" "How's the weather?" and whatever else she could to keep the man on the phone.
After Amy hung up I looked at Cathy and said, "You KNOW how to keep a man on the phone." She asked if I was sure and when I said yes, she nodded.
I dialed a random number that was in a city about forty miles away and listened as she immediately got her callee's interest by saying, "I'm sitting here bored and I have my hand between my legs." By asking him what he was doing as she described, in detail, what she was supposedly doing, she kept him on the phone for nearly twenty minutes.
I couldn't hear his side but guessed from her conversation that he was enjoying it. Apparently so was she because at some point I noticed that her hand actually was between her legs and she was also getting something out of it.
For some reason, I didn't feel this cheating. I was turned on by what was happening. I never thought about what her fantasy was as she did this. Was she visualizing the stranger or thinking of me? Didn't want to know then - still don't. I just remember that when we got back to our apartment we had to do it as soon as we got the front door closed. She initially didn't think of phone sex as cheating, but after we talked she realized that I did so she didn't do it any more. Well, at least she says she doesn't.
And thus, we come to exploring the topic of phone sex.
As always, I made up a questionnaire and passed them out to my survey group. Seven of my regular girls said they have never had phone sex. Of the ones that did, four have had phone sex with another woman, four with a stranger, and six with their husband/boyfriend/lover.
Kim, 28, indicated that she had, at least once, had phone sex with both a stranger and another woman, but not with her husband. She got very uptight when I started asking her about her answers. "Frank'll never find out what I said, right?" she asked.
I assured her that her husband would never find out about it and she finally told me that she did, indeed, have phone sex when she was younger.
"It was when I was working for ******** and one of the girls in my office called me one night and described what she and her boyfriend were doing. Why she chose me I don't know, but she did and I got really turned on. For three or four months she would call me every once in a while and describe what she and her boyfriend were doing. Once she asked me what I was doing and I admitted I was taking care of myself. Then she started asking me about the details of what I was doing and what I was feeling."
"While you were talking to her, did you actually take care of yourself?"
"Of course. I was so turned on thinking of what was happening to her that I had to."
"Did you climax?"
"Every time."
"Did they call you every time they did it?" I asked.
"I don't think so because I'm pretty sure they were doing it nearly every night and she only called maybe every ten or so days."
"Okay, you said you've had phone sex with a stranger; tell me about that."
Oh, Al - Frank can never find out about this. Last year he was out of town on business and I called his hotel one evening. When he answered I started out with something like, 'Hey, sexy, what are you doing right now?' So he told me he was sitting there playing with himself and we got into it. Al, I swear, it was five minutes before I realized I wasn't talking to Frank, just some guy that sounded like him. By then I was really into it and just went ahead and finished."
"By 'finished'," I asked, "do you mean you climaxed?"
"Oh, yes, oh, Al, it was one of the strongest orgasms I've had in years. I was so ashamed about that as soon as I came I just hung up while he was still talking about what he was doing."
"Have you done that since then?"
"Oh, gosh, no."
"So you had phone sex with a stranger while trying to call your husband and yet you've never done it with Frank. Why?"
"I was so embarrassed about that mistake I made, I haven't been able to work up the courage to try it again."
My friend, Amy, 41, said that when she was young she used to do it all the time. She'd dial a number at random and if a man answered she'd try to get him going on it. However, that stopped one afternoon: "I had dialed a number one day, got a hold of a guy that was willing to have some fun, and we talked for nearly an hour and I had two orgasms while we were talking. Then, shit, I guess he had *69 because he called me a couple hours later. He started talking about what he was doing and suddenly said, "I'd like to come over there and ram my cock up your ass." She shuddered as she said, "I hung up real fast then picked the phone back up, called the phone company and had them change my number. Since then I've never done that; I only call the guys I know."
Jenna, 21, was somewhat confused about it. "When I was about sixteen there was another girl in school and she and I would call each other and pretend to have sex. At least I thought we were pretending. She called me four or five times before I realized she was really doing what she was saying. The calls stopped when I finally told her I wasn't really doing what I said I was doing. Since then, I haven't spoken with a woman. Stranger? No, I could never see myself doing something like that. I've done it with a couple of my boyfriends, but only when they called. I don't think I could call someone and start something like that."
"So, when you're talking to a boyfriend, do you take care of yourself?"
"Of course, that's the reason for doing something like that. But for some reason I don't climax very often. Usually that happens after I hang up and keep my vibrator going."
Frankie, 25, had never had phone sex with a woman, but said, "I wouldn't rule it out. I just never had any girlfriends that wanted to try it." As for men she said, "Oh, hell yes, I love phone sex. You can't get pregnant, no diseases and no sleeping in the wet spot."
Both Jenna and Jennie said that when they were in a relationship they would never have phone sex with another man, but they didn't feel it would be cheating if they did. Jennie admitted to having had phone sex with another woman when she was younger, but refused to give me any details. (I really wanted those details because she's only nineteen now.)
Frankie agreed that phone sex wasn't cheating and specifically said she often had phone sex with other men. "Sometimes I'll be in bed with my boyfriend when I call someone."
Okay, I was getting away from the questionnaire, but I felt I had to follow up on this one:"When you made calls while you were in bed with your boyfriend, did you graphically describe to the man on the phone what your boyfriend was doing to you?"
"Of course."
I had to stop a moment to collect my thoughts. Frankie was an ex-girlfriend and she just admitted to having phone sex while she was with someone. I couldn't help asking, "So, when we were dating did you have phone sex with other men?"
"A few times."
"And you didn't feel you were cheating on me?"
"No, why should I? I wasn't actually doing anything. It was all talk."
"Yeah," I said, "but why didn't you call someone while you and I were in bed?"
She seemed to have to think about that for a while. Naturally I was hoping she'd say she was too satisfied with me, but she just said, "I don't know. I guess I just never thought about it."
Cathy, of course, was the one that got me started asking about this. She had never had phone sex with another woman, but answered yes to everything else. "Why not with a woman?" I asked her.
"I just can't see it as being fun. When I'm talking to a man I can actually picture doing what we're talking about."
"Okay, but you've been with women, sexually, why can't you picture that while you're on the phone?"
"Oh, I can, it's just that I don't want to. Look, Al, you know I've been with women, but they weren't lovers or anything like that. It was just casual and usually happened at a party when all kinds of kinky stuff was going on. I really do prefer men."
Camille, 26, said, "I've never done it with a woman or a stranger, but when I'm involved with a man I'll do it regularly."
I looked at the questionnaire she had completed and said, "Okay, you say you do it regularly with a boyfriend, but earlier you told me you never take care of yourself. Here you say you never climax, and you don't tell him what you're doing. How can you keep him interested?"
"I just, you know, talk about his, you know, his equipment and what I'd like him to do with it."
"And you don't get off at all?"
She had to think a moment before responding, "You know, now that I think of it, I don't think I've ever even been turned on while I was doing it."
"And yet you said you enjoy it. How?"
"Well, I'm doing it for him, not me."
Geri, 30, had a few similarities. "No, I've never done it with a woman or a stranger. I've done it maybe four times with my husband."
"Do you take care of yourself while you're doing it?"
"Of course."
"Do you describe to him, in detail, what you're doing?"
She giggled a bit and then said, "Oh, yes. I tell him exactly what I'm doing to myself."
"Do you get off?"
"Oh, every single time. That's what makes it so much fun."
As always the men were boring. None of them had ever had phone sex with another man and Brad, 32, said he had never done it at all. George, 63, said he had never done it with a stranger, but regularly did it with his wife. "I travel a lot on business and many nights when I get back to my hotel room I'll call her and we get each other off." When I asked him about doing it with a stranger he just said, "No, I'd never do that to my wife."
"How about when you were single?"
"Never did it until I was married. It was my first road trip after we married and I called her just to let her know I had arrived safely. I don't even know how we got into it, but it got really steamy. After that it became a regular thing. I call her at least once every time I travel."
Ralph, 27, as always, didn't want to talk about it. On his questionnaire he indicated that he has had phone sex with a stranger when she initiated it, he had phone sex with his girlfriend (and either of them might initiate it), he takes care of himself when he does it, he doesn't do it regularly, he would not do it with a stranger when he was in a relationship, and he would consider it cheating if he did.
Kenny, 57, said he'd had phone sex with a stranger. "I don't know how it happened," Kenny said, "Years ago I was at the office one day and got a phone call from a woman describing what she was doing to herself. We talked for about ten minutes and she was really panting. She either got something out of it or she was a good actress."
"Were you taking care of business while you spoke to her?" I asked.
"Oh, God, no, I was in the office. I have windows all around me so I can see the plant and everyone can look right in."
"Have you ever done it again?"
"Yeah, the same woman called back five or six times and then stopped. That's the only time it ever happened."
"If you hadn't been in the office, would you have taken care of yourself?"
"Naturally."
"Would you have been willing to describe to your caller what you were doing?"
"Sure, isn't that the whole point of it?"
Ending on a high note, there was Bob, 56. "Ah, yeah, I do it sometimes with the wife."
"Sometimes?" I asked.
"Yeah, she'll get horny at the damnedest times and call me and I have to take care of her over the phone."
"You take care of yourself at the same time?"
"Ah, no, man, I tell her all kinds of crap, make her think I'm beating off, she really digs that stuff."
"Do you enjoy yourself?"
"Not really. I just do it for her. If she didn't call I sure as hell wouldn't call her. I got better things to do with my time."
Well, that's phone sex in the world of my circle of friends. I'll have to admit that Cathy is the first woman with whom I've done it and I've been surprised at how much fun it can be. I was both surprised and not surprised at the number of women who haven't done it or who don't really get anything out of it.
Trying to figure out what to do next, I remembered Amy's comment about what her caller had said and ... I'm off and researching the next topic.
Originally published September 2007 - "Saucy September"