Dear Jordan,
I'm a 34 year-old male and I have been involved in a casual sexual relationship with this one gal for about 4 months - the sex is great! We are very adventurous and try lots of new things together. Recently we got involved in a foursome with a couple I know. I've messed around with that couple before and have fucked my buddy's wife several times over with no problems. But during the foursome my dick wasn't having it and it kept going limp on me. Even though I wasn't doing drugs and didn't drink too much, I could hardly keep a hard-on going for two minutes in a row even with two sexy women trying to work it up. It really freaked me out. It was embarrassing. I've never had that problem before and now I've got two girls probably laughing behind my back 'cause of my limp dick. Is there something wrong with me? Shouldn't I have an even BIGGER hard-on since I had the chance to bang two chicks at once?
Help!
Limp for Two
Dear Limp,
You've fantasized about "banging two chicks at once" for years. Many of your masturbation sessions involved you thinking about how you'd give it to one girl mercilessly in the pussy and then immediately slide over to the other girl and push your hard cock down her throat. You've imagined sucking two sets of tits and two luscious tongues lapping at your balls. In your imagination you were always super human, full of cum and eternally hard like a marble fucking God! Finally you've made it to the big game, you and your buddy are going to bang these chicks into oblivion...but your dick won't stay up despite your excitement. What you are experiencing, my friend, is probably a minor case of "performance anxiety."
Performance anxiety is a phenomenon that usually arises when a man becomes preoccupied with the details of the sex act. You're constantly thinking two steps ahead trying to figure out how best to please your partner(s) and pretty soon your mind has taken over so much that your dick can't react. Face it, you're a man, and blood can only be pumped into your brain or into your dick, not both at once. If you're thinking too much about whether a shift in position is required, whether your dick is bigger or smaller more or less pleasing than your buddy's, whether or not you can last an even amount of times for both women, whether or not you can make them both orgasm before shooting your wad...well you're just cutting your cock's blood supply off by thinking too much. Then as it sputters into harmless limp dick mode, your mind goes into overdrive trying to figure out how you can get your erection back and why you lost it in the first place! The sexual interaction is dissected so minutely that enjoyment is virtually impossible. You have found yourself in an ever spiraling never pleasing collision with performance anxiety and temporary erectile dysfunction.
I've been involved in group sex situations on more than one occasion. And it seems to me that there is always at least one man in the group who struggles with performance anxiety and a flaccid package. I can say in truth that I have never once laughed at the struggle of the man who battles his dick's insolence. I understand how humiliated and how very disappointed he is that he finds himself unable to rise to the occasion. By revealing my experience to you I'm trying to express 1. That you're not the only man who's encountered this phenomenon and 2. If the women you are with are even halfway decent they aren't cracking jokes about you behind your back.
So how better to perform next time your lucky dick gets in a similar pickle? Well let's turn to classical guitarist David Leisner whose advice has helped many a musician master a crowd and perhaps a few sex fiends master an orgy:
- Before performing, you must first remind yourself that you have practiced to the best of your ability. You've masturbated to this fantasy plenty of times. You've given many women (including these two) multiple orgasms! Now the time to practice has passed. It's time to let yourself go to automatic pilot, you know how to fuck. Your body will remember if your mind simply lets go of the controls.
- Do not judge what just happened or is about to happen. Whether the judgment is positive or negative, it introduces a verbal aspect into an activity that is most successful when it is non-verbal. Don't pat yourself on the back when you bring the first woman to climax, just keep going and climb on to girl number two. Don't judge the size of your cock against the size of your buddy's.
- Do not second-guess any audience member's reaction to your playing. In other words if she seems to be enjoying herself, she probably is. Don't start worrying whether she thinks you are better or worse than your buddy, or whether she wishes the other girl was licking her pussy instead of you.
- Be in the giving mode, not the receiving one. Although this moment has been the one you've fantasized about for so long, focus on giving pleasure to the ones you're with. Be in the moment and don't worry about whether or not you're going to cum. It'll happen when it happens.
- Single out one aspect of your playing that is the top priority at a time. With so many fingers and tongues and holes it's easy to become overwhelmed at the options. Find one thing to play with (your dick in girl number one's ass and girl number two's hands on your balls for example) and enjoy it without thinking ahead to the other lips and tits you want to fondle. You can move forward from one breast to the next while still being in the moment.
- Enjoy! Let your excitement for the sexual situation be present. Let the adrenaline and your genuine lively passion for the sex act come through. If you are enjoying yourself your partners will too.
Good luck!
xoxo
Jordan
Additional Resources
Threesome
Letters to Penthouse XXVIII: Threesomes Foursomes and Moresomes
Originally published August 2007 - "One, Two, Orgy!"