Dear Barnabus,
My guy likes to do the "porno shot," as he calls it, when he cums. He will usually use my stomach, and then he is nice enough to act as clean up crew and gets a towel to wipe it off. We have discussed this and I have no issues with it, but he says he feels bad doing it to me because it's so "bad" and I'm not a "bad girl." He has me pegged as the "good girl," which I've always been. Unfortunately, his theory is backed up by my lack of experience. The question then becomes, can a good girl be a bad girl or at least a naughty girl? If so, how can we break the "good girl" mold? Not that I always want to be bad, but sometimes I think it's erotic as hell. Kind of like animal sex. You can be nice and tender with each other, but sometimes you just want to fuck fast and hard and anything goes (which is my definition of animal sex).
Barnabus, what do you think about breaking the "good girl" mold, and do you have any tips on how to do it?
Signed,
Bad Girl in Disguise
Dear BGD,
My first thought after reading this question is to tell you to cut out and run! Any man who so obviously thoroughly enjoys coming on your tits, and then afterwards tells you he feels bad doing it, is fucked up.
That said, there are a couple of remaining thoughts that may be salvageable here, since you obviously care about the guy.
Yes. A good girl can be a bad girl, or a naughty girl, in bed. Most importantly, I encourage you to strive to take your relationship out of these stereoptypical roles. They will hinder your sex life and your relationship, and for that matter, your progress as a human being, in ways that you cannot comprehend.
To break the mold... you may want to start out slowly. If he doesn't want to talk dirty to you by calling you a whore or a slut, suggest he simply tell you he wants to fuck you raw, or fuck you in the ass, or simply fuck you. Or you may want to start the dirty talk yourself. Pick your words carefully and escalate them when you think the time is right. Begin with just telling him how much you like what he does, explicitely. Such as: "Oh yes, I love it when you fuck me with your finger," or, "Please put your cock in my pussy." If he thinks you are truly saying them from a place of passion, he will be more likely to accept them as authentic, and the "good" girl and "bad" girl ideals will become history. This type of "dirty" talk will hopefully lead to more sexually explicit conversation where you both can truly be yourselves.
Another thought: It is entirely possible to be the "good girl" on his arm in public and the "bad girl" in the bedroom. This is what many men dream of. You can discuss these roles with him if this is what you want. From the sound of it, he will be all over helping you create these images and roles in his life. These roles can be fun, as a game. But again, if you try and assume these roles and make them part of your identity, these antiquated types of behavior will curtail your fulfillment as a human being in the end.
Dear Barnabus,
I am looking for suggestions to curl my man's toes. We have been together for about four months. He is much more experienced than I am. Do you have any suggestions for things I can try that will curl his toes? Or at least make him wonder "where did she learn that?!?!" - but in a good way? Thanks in advance for your help!
Sincerely,
Miss Sweet Surprise
Dear Miss S.S:
At four months, your man is looking for something that will pop his socks off. I recommend two moves that may be experiences that are new to your lover. They are a little gutsy, and may be a little out of your normal repertoir, but they will be well worth it. Yes, girl, it's time to go for the tweener and the ass, consecutively.
The "tweener," my dear, is what a guy calls the small area between his testicles and his asshole. It is highly sensitive, and all it takes is a graze with the tip of your finger, or better yet, a soft brush of your tongue. I guarantee, he will be more than pleasantly surprised. Softly stroking this area while you give him head or a hand job is a wonderful and sensual touch.
After you've explored this area of your lover's body, you should take the big step. Yes, my dear, touch that forbidden bud, the center spot that lies between his two cheeks. Touch is softly, and pay attention to his reaction. Most men will love it! After that, gently go for the gold and drape your tongue across it. I promise that this action will curl his toes. He may ask for it again and again. And this may lead to more exciting adventures in the bedroom. Who knows, you may end up finger-fucking your lover, or more.
Other things that you may try if you haven't already:
1. Give him head in a movie theater.
2. Answer the door wrapped in cellophane.
3. Enjoy a night in with sushi... off of your belly.
Dear Barnabus,
This may sound weird, but I'd really like to permanently remove all of my pubic hair. I have done it on a temporary basis many times. My husband finds it a real turn-on (which may be perverted) and I find it more comfortable. I've tried nearly every form of temporary hair removal -- shaving, depilatories and so on -- but would like to just get rid of my hair once and for all. I can't afford professional electrolysis, and I'm not sure they would even do that -- not to mention the fact that it would be very embarrassing for a stranger to work on me down there. Any suggestions?
Concerned,
acehole69@comcast.net.
Dear Acehhole:
First you must make sure that you are not pursuing being permantently free of hair solely to satisfy the whims of your partner. An important question to ask: If for some horrible or unforeseen reason your present lover might disappear into the night, followed by the chance meeting between you and a certain debonair, enigmatic, captivating and sumptuous lover who preferred you with as much hair as humanly possible, and you were permantently bare "down there" (as you so maturely put it), would you regret it horribly? If the answer is yes, then don't do it. But if you truly are doing it completely and utterly for yourself, I have two recommendations.
The first is electrolysis, which is, as you know, pricey. And the second is laser hair removal, which, I'm sorry to say, can be equally as pricey (or more so), but more effective. But if you're going to do it permanently, these are the only two ways you can really go about it. If this is truly your ultimate goal, then save your money, baby!
Originally published September 2005 - "Sugar & Spice"