Dear Jordan,

My girlfriend doesn't suck cock. She just doesn't like it. She's given me two blowjobs in two years, only one of which got me off. What should I do?

  - BJ Deprived

Dear BJD,

First you have to decide a) how important blow jobs are to you and b) how much you like this girl. The fact that you could go two years with only two blowjobs suggests to me that BJs just aren't very important to you (or that you have a blow job vixen that you see on the side). I'm also of the opinion that if your persuasive skills in the bedroom are anything like the attitude of this letter, it's no wonder your woman won't suck your cock. I'm hopeful that if we can change your approach that maybe you can keep the girl and start getting the BJs you deserve.

I first developed my appreciation for giving oral through the teachings of a kind and patient lover (before him I wasn't particularly gifted or enthusiastic in that arena). He not only made me want to suck his cock and suck it well, but he taught me how to make him cum, hard. I have since used the skills he helped me to develop on subsequent partners all of whom have expressed that I am a world-class cock-sucker. :)

Let's take a quiz to test your persuasive skills:

Q. What is the appropriate method for asking your partner to suck your cock?

1. Ask her nicely, "honey will you please suck me?"
2. During foreplay, grab her by the hair, look into her eyes and then gently draw her face down into your crotch.
3. Complain that she never sucks your cock.
4. Suggest 69.

Answers 1. The sweet approach doesn't always work (contrary to logic). Dick sucking is a form of male sexual domination, and if you are too docile this kind of takes the fun out of it. Also it's important to make the request in the heat of the moment when your partner is most receptive. 2. This is my favorite method. There's something very irresistible about a hair tugging from a man who takes firm but gentle control of the situation in the bedroom. Eye contact here is critical because it establishes both trust and your dominance. 3. Obviously complaining (which seems to be your current method BJD) doesn't work, so stop it! 4. 69 is also a very persuasive method. It's hard for your partner to resist putting your penis in her mouth while she's sitting on your face enjoying a good tongue thrashing.

Q. When preparing for your partner to suck your cock it's best if you:

1. Shower thoroughly paying particular attention to washing your penis and balls. Maybe even trim up your pubic hair (or if you're adventurous, try shaving your balls clean, something many women appreciate when going down there).
2. Eat kiwis and strawberries beforehand to make your cum taste sweeter.
3. Go down on your partner, give her a throbbing orgasm and then present her with your dick to suck.
4. Complain that she never sucks your cock.

Answers 1. It's very important to cum clean before presenting your dick for a BJ. There's nothing more of a turn off than sucking on a guy who hasn't washed up beforehand. Balls can get very stinky when they are dirty. I also really appreciate a freshly shaven set of balls (the better to suck! Yum). 2. Incorrect, there is no evidence that eating fruit before your BJ will make your cum taste sweeter (although a consistently healthy diet containing fresh fruits and vegetables does make for more delicious cum, whereas smoking, drinking and eating fast foods tends to make cum taste more pungent and not as clean). 3. Eating your woman out first can be a very persuasive method as well. I know that I'm extra willing to please after being offered an earth-shattering oral orgasm. 4. Stop complaining!!!

Q. If your partner doesn't know how to make you cum during oral sex you should:

1. Offer her suggestions on how she can improve her technique while she's working on you. For example, "oh baby that feels nice but can you cover your teeth with your lips please?" or "faster baby, yes like that."
2. Complain that she's not doing it right.
3. Give up, go find a hooker and pay to have it done right

Answers: 1. There's something very exciting about a man who knows how to get what he wants in bed. This includes a man who can offer suggestions to his partner on how to improve her pleasing skills (oral and otherwise). Put a positive spin on your requests; let her know what she's doing right and what she could be doing better. Before you know it you'll be squirting into her mouth like a champ. 2. Would you stop complaining already!?! 3. Yeah this is a great option if you're ready to give up on your entire relationship (and have money to spare).

Some other tips:

1. When your girlfriend does suck your cock, let her know how much you enjoyed it. Give her numerous compliments on how wonderful she is and how well she sucks.
2. You and your girlfriend should read my article Great Head! (July 2005) as well as The Dumb Girl's Guide to Sucking by CJ Watson.
3. If you try all my tips and techniques and your girl still refuses with a firmly closed mouth, you might need to reconsider your relationship. Are you sexually compatible? Are you willing to live without BJ's? Or will this drive you to cheating? If you come to this crossroads, be careful, consider your priorities and be true to both her and yourself.

Good luck!

Jordan

Need more blowjob advice? Read Jordan & Samantha's book Mastering Your Man From Head to Head



Originally published September 2006 - "Divine"