Dear Barnabus,
I have been dating a smart, funny, successful lawyer for two months. We just had sex for the first time this weekend. Everything was going great, the kissing was hot, his body was hot, I was hot. Then out of the blue he asked me "Can I pee on you?" That killed the mood for me immediately. I wasn't sure if he was kidding or not, but then I saw the look on his face while he stood there and regarded me seriously with his hand on his cock aimed right for my stomach. I freaked! Jumped out of bed and rushed to put my clothes on. He talked me out of leaving, he told me that he wasn't serious and that he just wanted to see what my reaction would be like. He didn't push the sex, and I ended up staying a while longer to watch a movie with him. What should I make of this freaky request? Should I give him another chance, or run?
Signed, Freaked over Mr. Freak
Dear Freaked,
(Wasn't Hitler into yellow showers?)
This guy must have some big cojones, even if he would rather use his cock for excrement than he would for sex. The first time I get you into bed there's no way I'm going to bring up a fetish, not until I've dipped my wick at least a couple of times, so to speak.
Do I think Mr. Esquire was really kidding about his request? No. If I was about to get to the holiest of holies for the very first time with a woman I'd been dating for two months, there's no way I make a joke like that. I'm thinking this fetish is for real.
Now that your genie is out of his bottle, so to say, let's keep an open mind here. I used to think the idea of a rim job was pretty nasty (at age 16, I wondered how could I ever go back and kiss that mouth again...), but by the time I was 18 I had changed my mind on that one. I admit, yellow showers may take a little more of a mental adjustment than getting used to the idea of a rim job, but if you like this guy, you may want to consider indulging him in his fetish. If this guy is really the catch that he appears to be, maybe you should do a little research and mull the idea over before you freak out again. You may even want to consult a professional - a sex therapist of some sort - and get his or her take on this guy's predilection towards pissing.
Here are a few tidbits to start you on your way:
- The proper term for a Yellow Shower (also known as watersports) is urolagnia.
- According to the Wikipedia Encyclopedia, Urolagnia (also known as urophilia) is a sexual fetish (duh) with a focus on urine and urination. People with urolagnia often like to urinate in public, or urinate on, or be urinated on by other people, and may drink the urine. The consumption of urine is urophagia. Some like to watch others doing these things.
As a paraphilia, urine may be consumed or the person may bathe oneself in it. Other variations include arousal from wetting or seeing someone else wet their pants or underclothes, or wetting the bed. Other forms of urolagnia may involve a tendency to be sexually aroused by smelling urine soaked clothing or body parts. In many cases, a strong correlation or conditioning arises between urine smell or sight and the sexual act (so a male partner may not achieve an erection except if he smells the urine-soaked legs of his female partner, a female may not orgasm except if she urinates on herself before sex or features her partner do so in his pants).
For some individuals the phenomenon may include a diaper fetish and/or arousal from infantilism. Watersports may also be used in a BDSM scene as a form of humiliation, sometimes involving desperation until incontinence or infantilization, sometimes physical humiliation associated with being urinated on or pressured to consume urine. In some cases,a person is aroused by merely staging situations where others can either witness that person wet his or her clothing or smell his or her urine scent.
- Hearththrob Ricky Martin is reportedly a urophiliac. Gave an interview with Blender Magazine in which he stated that he enjoyed "Golden Showers.
- Animals in the wild often partake of urolagnia with no fear of social retribution.
A few thoughts:
- One of the basic elements that may contribute to the turn on of a yellow shower may be that peeing just feels good. It's not such a far stretch to go from one physical pleasure to another, now is it?
- Another part of the turn on may be that in order for a couple to share in yellow showers, they're showing one another that they really do trust each other enough to do something most people consider incredible strange, and they're still ok with one another afterwards.
If, after you've considered these things and done your own research, you're entertaining the idea of keeping your pisser around, here are a few more thoughts about future urine-related activities:
- Urine is generally sterile and safe to drink in (in small quantities).
- Eating grapefruit gives urine a citrus-like edge and drinking beer dilutes the pungency.
- Have your man avoid asparagus (please tell me you know why).
- Make sure he's well hydrated. There's nothing worse than thick, ultra yellow urine.
- You could always set certain guidelines around the urolagnia activities, such as only allowing him to lovingly piss on you in the shower or tub (makes for easier clean-up).
I would certainly have a serious discussion with him as to his fetishes and sexual proclivities. This may just be the tip of the iceberg (he could be fantasizing about wearing a diaper for all you know). Or, it could very well be the end all and be all of his sexual fetishes. Either way, you need to know the facts Keep any open mind, but know yourself. If you're willing to indulge his penchant for pissing, give him another chance. If, after research and a lot of thought, this is something you just can't deal with, then by all means - run!
Good luck!
-Barnabus
Originally published June 2006: Sexy, Strange & Strangely Sexy