Dear Jordan,
"I'm a straight woman, but I seem to be very turned on by photos of men having sex. The very idea of two men sucking one another's cocks, or having sex is enough to take me over the edge. Sometimes I think of men together when I'm having sex with my fiance. My question is, is this too weird? Have you heard of other women having the same experience? Should I be worried?"
~Sword Fights Turn Me On!
Dear Sword Fight,
I have a confession to make. I enjoy looking at gay pornography too! Wow you have something in common with an erotica maven and admitted sex fiend. Maybe you DO have something to worry about...
Kidding.
There is, unfortunately, a huge cultural taboo involved around the subject of gay sex, so it's no wonder that you are feeling a little ashamed about your sexual fantasies. Imagine what it's like for a gay man to entertain these same fantasies before he comes out of the closet and embraces his sexuality.
The difference between you and the man I just described is that for you the thought of men together is a mere fantasy, whereas for him it's his sexual reality.
As a culture, Americans tend to frown on deviant sexual behaviors and desires of all varieties. But is there truly anything fundamentally wrong with a man who enjoys smelling a woman's panties, or a person who gets off on group sex? Is there anything truly abhorrent about men who fantasize about a pair of girls getting it on in the shower or a woman who dreams about two sets of washboard abs pressing against each other?
The bottom line truth is that there is nothing wrong, bad, or disgusting about man-on-man action. For some this sex act is a major turn-on, and for others it's a major turn-off. It all depends on how you're wired and what gets your motor running.
It's not weird for you to be entertaining these fantasies, and you shouldn't be feeling worried or ashamed about it either. Along with you and I there are plenty of other women out there who get a little hot about the idea of two men getting it on.
However when you become involved in a serious sexual relationship (oh for example you become engaged). You need to be certain that this fantasy is just that, a fantasy best left unexpressed and enjoyed in the privacy of your mind. If it is something that you absolutely must make a reality, you need to be sure that your fiancé is game for this kind of adventure before you marry him. Sexual incompatibility is one of the main reasons that relationships don't work (behind financial struggles). Talk to him, as a couple about to be married, your communication lines should be open. If the idea of playing sword fight with another man does not appeal to your fiancé you need to decide if you are willing to forgo turning your fantasy into reality for better or for worse.
xoxo
Jordan LaRousse
Originally Published March 2007: Getting Lucky