Dearest Readers,
As Oysters & Chocolate grows, she seems to take on a life of her own. The pieces of art and writing that fill her out include the very sexy and stimulating, as well as the surprising and thought provoking. But we've found, that as she grows, as she unfolds and spreads out her tingling limbs, she sometimes gets slapped - and not in a pleasurable way.
The proverbial slaps come from different places... some are expected and some - well - some serve as very rude awakenings. After almost two years of publication, we have to face the facts: we live in a world of double standards and by championing women's sexuality, we've placed ourselves and our beloved publication in the mix and mire of a dirty fight.
Double standards? Even today, in our "enlightened" culture where women are supposedly equal and the sexual dynamic between men and women is supposed to be balanced, we come up against old ideals and the same old boxes: the Madonna and the whore, if you will. A man can go to a strip club, watch and pay a woman to take off her clothes and jiggle her booty up against his lap, but if his niece, daughter or any other close woman in his life strips for a living, she's messed up. Where is that line and how is it justified? He can watch, and even help support a stripper, but if a woman in his life chooses this means of living, there's a serious problem with her. Why can he pay for it and be normal, while she who does it is considered deviant? Who perpetuates this double standard and why?
Another example: a man grows up with Playboy in the house. His dad enjoys looking at naked women, and the child believes that this is socially acceptable behavior for an American male. As an adult, this same male emails photos of nude women back and forth between his friends. He watches a porn movie on a guy's trip. He appreciates a healthy pair of breasts and exposed cunt as part and parcel to his normal sexuality. But then, when he sees his wife openly looking at Oysters & Chocolate, he calls her a "porn queen" - and it's not meant as a compliment. Even though he's a man of the 21st Century and has enjoyed the many fruits of women's sexual liberation, he grew up with the ideal that men can look at naked women and it's healthy, but a true "lady" never partakes of looking at naked men (his mother never did), and so when his wife actually views naked men online, there's a deep disturbance within his psyche and he responds with insults.
Unfortunately, Oysters & Chocolate has sometimes fallen prey to the same double standards that Americen women do. We've received a few complaints after going free that some of our ads are offensive and trashy - so much in fact that we've lost a few readers over it. And that vague, gray line pops its head up once again. When we were a paysite and strictly "erotica," we were safe for some women: soft lines, beautiful forms, sighs and touches. But now that we have ads for pornography sites, we're suddenly dirty and trashy: cocks in assholes, money shots, filth. Why do we include these "offensive" ads? Because we think some women are interested in what the ads have to offer. Erotica is sexual, and so is pornography. Where is it written that women can enjoy one and not the other? Is this another manifestation of that old double standard?
Sexuality and sexual health (or dysfunction, as the case may be) is part of the human condition. We believe that repression of healthy sexuality is what leads to dysfunction. In exploration of healthy sexuality, are lines crossed? Are boundaries pushed? Do things become, at times, uncomfortable? Yes, yes and yes.
But that is the nature of human sexuality. A new idea, image or fantasy can lend inspiration and passion to a relationship (with a partner or with one's self).
The Internet has been a contentious playground for some time now. And whether or not we intended it, we've become a factor in that contention. We don't enjoy the same perks of other small businesses because we're an "adult" business. We get the big, red mark of "risky" and "not-quite-worthy of other publications" because we're dirty. At first, we resisted: We're classy, we're pro-women, we're sex-positive. Yes, we are all of these things. But we do post photos of people fucking, and we do publish stories that explore fetishes, brutality and dirty words. Because that's the nature of human sexuality - it's varied, it's convoluted, it's beautiful and it's messy, and it encompasses all of these things. And in order to keep women's sexuality alive and vibrant and healthy, we're going to continue to get down and dirty.
Thank you to everyone for your continued support. Keep reading and exploring and enjoying!
xoxo
Samantha & Jordan
Originally published April 2007 - "Dirty"